Can we restore national unity?
In 1722, a generous German count granted sanctuary on his estate to a small group of diverse Moravian Christians (Bohemian Brethren) who were fleeing persecution. They sought an ideal community for persecuted refugees, but instead their community of about 300 overflowed with disagreements, divisions, and discord.
What they did next might seem small, but their actions provided incredible results: The Moravian Christians began to focus on what they agreed on rather than on what they disagreed on. They listened to each other. They formed supportive groups of two or three. The result? Peace. Advancement. Unity.
America could use some unity right now. The wealth gap is growing wider. The president’s supporters and his detractors appear filled with contempt for one another. If you’re with that political party and I’m with that other political party, you’re dead to me. But divisions as great or greater have been faced and overcome in our country’s history.
In March of 1861, the national upheaval of secession was a grim reality as the newly elected Abraham Lincoln came to Washington D.C. to deliver his first inaugural address. Jefferson Davis had been inaugurated as the president of the Confederacy two weeks earlier. Lincoln arrived in Washington by a secret route to avoid danger. U.S. soldiers guarded his movements. Ignoring advice, Lincoln rode in an open carriage to the Capitol. His words, especially the address’s conclusion helped build unity:
“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
Lincoln’s words did not prevent the Civil War. Lincoln’s words and actions did help prevent the country from breaking apart. He spoke and acted out of a desire for unity. How do we get there from here?
Grant respect to all.
It’s easy for me to sling mud at those I believe act out of ignorance or deliberately hurt others or show total disrespect. “Disrespect me, and I will disrespect you” sounds logical and fair. It isn’t. If I choose to disrespect some party because they disrespected me, I am granting that party control over my behavior. I’m also putting more disrespect out into the world, and what I put out in the world is what I will eventually get back.
Focus on the positive.
How can we view tough times like an impeachment process with optimism? Tough times force us to grow stronger. The debate about impeachment should bring more truth to light. And we should balance our need to objectively examine bad behavior and criminal acts by seeking examples of honorable behavior and heroic acts. History helps. Take a dash of Nelson Mandela, a spoonful of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, or your choice of an uplifting national hero with that bite of depressing evening news. Know that strong, clear, deep political and societal discussions can motivate us to get more educated and involved.
Give the benefit of the doubt. I once burned with anger aimed at a client who did not call me back for weeks. I had emailed and called and sent letters. When the client finally returned my call, I was ready to let him have it. Then he started our conversation by asking for forgiveness and explaining that after a major disaster many members of his team were missing. He just located the final missing person the previous day. Assumptions kill. It’s healthier for me internally and better for our relationship if I grant you the benefit of the doubt.
Seek first to understand. Stephen R. Covey used this as one of his seven habits of highly effective people. Before I criticize your position or try to blow away your rationale for supporting a cause or candidate, I need to understand what led you to your position. We cannot get along and make progress together without truly and deeply listening to each other with the main intent not to reply and refute but to understand and appreciate the other’s perspective.
This is hard. I don’t know how to get it done. I do know we need to get it done. Let’s begin by heeding Lincoln’s advice to call on the better angels of our nature.