APPRECIATING THE LITTLE THINGS
Mother’s Day brings hope, respite from isolation for residents of nursing homes and assisted living facilities
Last spring, when COVID-19 descended on Connecticut, the Heights at Avery Heights, an assisted living facility in Hartford, was placed on lockdown. Visitation was canceled; the dining room was closed. Mother’s Day a year ago was a diminished occasion during a time of illness, fear and separation.
In the early months of the pandemic, Ilse Treister, a spry 96-year-old, was confined to her apartment. Meals were sent up to her, and she had no social contact with other residents.
“It was rough, but we got through it,” Treister said one recent afternoon, sitting next to her friend and fellow resident Fay Trowbridge, 89. They wore complementary floral face masks.
“There’s no question it was a difficult, difficult time,” Trowbridge said, reaching out to touch Treister’s hand.
Now, more than a year after the pandemic shrank their world, things are starting to unfurl once again. The two friends have made it through a year defined — for themselves and so many others — by isolation and loss. They’re both vaccinated. The dining room is open; movies are back.
Treister plans to visit one of her daughters in Massachusetts for Mother’s Day. She is elated at the prospect of seeing more of her family. Phone calls and Zoom meetings are nothing like an in-person conversation — or a hug.
“It makes a big difference,” she said. “Oh my god, there’s nothing like it.”
Evelyn Packer, 69, of Plymouth, Mass., one of Treister’s two daughters, said that technology was critical in closing the physical divide between them during the worst of the pandemic.
“We all learned how to Zoom. That kept us going during the time that we really couldn’t get together,” she said. “And we spoke on the phone a lot more than we had in the past.”
But for the women — both mothers and grandmothers — the pandemic also interrupted a friendship.
When Avery Heights implemented COVID-19 restrictions in mid-March, Trowbridge and her husband left to stay with their daughter, one of their five children, in Framingham, Mass.
“It was a sad day for us,” Treister said. “We were very, very close.”
As the health crisis escalated into a pandemic, the Trowbridges ended up staying in Massachusetts for six months. Meanwhile, Treister tried to keep herself occupied in Hartford, making herself move by walking around her apartment.
“It was very unpleasant, that first month,” she recalled. “You couldn’t go out into the hallways, nothing, and that was tough.”
Last fall, Trowbridge and her husband returned to the Heights. The two women were thrilled to renew their friendship.
“I happened to be walking and just coming back toward the entrance when the car stops and who steps out!” Treister said with a laugh. “It was wonderful.”
Eventually, they were able to share meals again in the dining room — which was where they first became friends, two and a half years ago, when Treister and her late husband arrived at Avery Heights from Queens, New York, and met Trowbridge and her husband, who had lived for many years in West Hartford.
“The two of us, we like to talk,” Treister said. “The two men were very quiet. But it was great. We hit it off just like that.”
Their cheerful banter is a welcome respite from the isolation they’ve endured much of this past year, apart from each other as well as from other friends and relatives. Over the course of the past year, Avery Heights gradually began permitting some visitation, but it was infrequent and kept short. Only recently have things begun to feel almost “normal” again.
For Trowbridge and Treister, it’s a relief to be able to spend time together again. Slowly but surely, social connection is returning to their lives.
“It just works,” Trowbridge said of their friendship. “We both like tomato soup.”
“Yes!” Treister chimed in. “We like to look at the sundown. We love that.”