Quitting your bad job does not have to be complicated

Dear Miss Manners: My people-pleasing nature is at war with my desire to chase my dreams.

Several months ago, I started working for a lovely family as their nanny. I have grown to love each member of the household as dear friends. However, the job no longer aligns with my financial goals and energy budget.

At the time of my interview, I was clear about vacation time, guaranteed hours, sick time and my need to leave promptly to work on my business that I’m creating.

It took them several months to “review” the contract I thought we’d agreed upon. They removed all PTO and created an IOU system for when I need to go home sick.

This is illegal to do in my state. Although their contract has since expired, they keep mentioning our sitting down to review a new one. And the last “family sit-down” resulted in husband and wife yelling at each other, further keeping me past my allotted time.

I am now regularly kept there two to three hours late, unpaid, because they “lost track of time.” Due to many comments I have heard, said to both me and their kids, I do not believe they will stay in touch after my employment.

I have thought about bringing up my old expectations, but they seem to lack the ability to listen to my needs. Everything is negotiated with offers of things I do not need or want. They also triangulate their issues with me in the middle.

How do I gracefully exit this position now, so that I don’t continue to sacrifice my business goals for this family of likely future strangers that I once cared deeply for?

Gentle reader: How do you quit? Tell them you have so enjoyed working for them but have decided, now that your contract has expired, to concentrate on your business full-time. Then leave.

Miss Manners would have advised this even if you wanted to extend your employment with them.

I underwent weight loss surgery — gastric sleeve — and can only consume about cup of food at a time. In addition, my doctor has put me on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate, low-fat diet. Keeping my carbs low prevents me from being hungry and overeating. I’ve also been warned not to consume alcohol for at least a year after surgery, perhaps longer.

My problem is that my husband and I are planning a trip to Sicily. When we go to a nice restaurant, I won’t be able to consume a regular-sized meal.

Should I share a single meal with my husband, or should I just leave most of my plate untouched?

Is it OK to ask for a box to take home the rest of the meal? Should I explain the reason for my behavior to the waiter?

None of these solutions are ideal, but which one of them is the “least bad”? Or are there other solutions that I haven’t thought of ?

I don’t want to offend the chef or the waiter, nor do I want to look like a silly American. After four years of Italian lessons, my Italian is getting pretty good.

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: As no level of fluency in Italian is going to save you from being considered a silly American, Miss Manners suggests you concentrate instead on what you can control.

The two things most likely to trouble your Italian waiter are the box to take home leftovers, and the unstated assumption that Italian restaurant portions are, like American portions, grotesquely large (they are not).

Order dinner, eat what you can or wish to eat, compliment the meal and leave the rest alone — both the food and the explanations.

Dear Miss Manners: If someone calls me or writes an email that asks me to call them back, but it’s someone I don’t want to talk to, am I obligated to return their call out of courtesy?

Gentle reader: It depends who is calling or writing. A spouse, a boss, a friend, a family member, a business associate or even a social acquaintance can each expect to have such a request honored, though not with equal alacrity.

That you do not want to call the person back is not a sufficient excuse — unless it is someone with whom you have severed, or wish to sever, relations.

Miss Manners suggests that vendors — and people in the above categories who use peremptory tones or set unreasonable conditions — not wait by the phone, as such requests need not be honored.