Steps to being a happy couple
Being a happy couple should come naturally, but there are a few things you can do to up-level your romantic life and make your relationship bulletproof. Here are some suggestions:
• Be nice to your in-laws. Don't make them outlaws; make them friends. All it takes is being nice to them and not letting their quirks get to you. You have your own quirks, so be tolerant. As you go through life with these people, they will become easier to be around and they will become your family. My motherin-law is here, and it's making my wife very happy (and I'm getting in a little football). It's also nice having mommy
energy around the house.
• Don’t hold grudges. Don't hold on to
the little things that bug you about the one you love. If it becomes an ingrained habit to hate that part of your partner, it will taint the rest of your marriage. As we mature, letting go of these little things becomes easier, but talking a little more from the start about what you want is the best prevention and relationship protector.
• Hold off on making decisions that can
affect your lifestyle until you talk to your partner. For example, we hate our kitchen faucet, and the plumber was here, but rather than make a unilateral decision
and pick a new one (hey, the kitchen is my wife's domain), I just told him to fix it for now. Tonight, we will start researching new faucets — it will be fun, and I do have a vote. I want a touchless, but she gets the final decision, and I did
get to pick out the barbecue.
• Argue respectfully. No name-calling,
belittling, threatening the relationship or bullying. Dear Abby once said, “We never talk about divorce, murder sometimes, but never divorce.” That works for me. You will have fights. They are part of life and they are uncomfortable — you just don't need to make them more so. I never put my wife down, because that just ends up making me look and feel bad, and no
one deserves to be treated that way.
• Stay affectionate even if you aren’t
sexual. People go through things that can prevent them from having sex. Some of them are physical, and some are emotional, but affection should not stop. If, for some reason, you are withholding sex as a punishment for some resentment
you are carrying, you need to seek therapy because the resentment will only push the two of you further apart.
• Have adventures. Go to places the two of you have never gone to before. It's really that simple. I have a favorite restaurant, but we go there only every few
Couples who strive to make their relationships nicer
have a much better time together than those who just stay with the status quo
months because we are trying every place in town. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Besides, research shows that having new experiences together makes you closer.
• Share your love. Children, pets, friends and family will all help you increase your love. The more you give, the more you have to give. I get a great deal of pleasure watching my wife play with the animals; they love each other so much, it's just heartwarming. She's also great with the little kids, who all think she is magical
because she interacts with them like a Disney princess. It's really fun to watch,
and again, it just brings in more love to both our lives.
These simple suggestions require that you have an open heart and that you want to make things better. Couples who strive to make their relationships nicer have a much better time together than those who just stay with the status quo and let any negative feelings fester.
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(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time." Follow his daily insights on Twitter
at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him at Barton@ bartongoldsmith.com.)