Cutting down on ‘junk’ gifts at kid’s party could be tricky

Dear Miss Manners: I’d like to have a party for my daughter’s 4th birthday. However, I’d like to avoid getting a bunch of plastic junk that she’ll look at once and then throw in a corner and never play with.

I honestly don’t think gifts are necessary, but I know many people feel obligated to bring one.

So I have two ideas for how to address this:

1. I could request that anyone who’d like to provide a gift contribute $5 in advance of the party, and then I could get her one gift that I know she’d enjoy. (I’d love it if someone requested this for their kid’s party, since it would mean I wouldn’t have to go shopping. And it would cost significantly less than a junk toy!)

2. I could request that attendees provide a gift that’s an artistic activity, like a coloring book or building set.

Are either of these ideas in poor taste? I’m really trying to avoid waste — and wasteful spending — but I also don’t want to offend anyone.

Gentle reader: Then accept graciously whatever people choose to give, and teach your daughter to do the same.

Miss Manners notices that this is an opportunity to teach another lesson: Have your daughter select the items she will not use (presuming that her taste actually aligns with yours), and explain the value of giving them to a charitable organization for children who may enjoy them.

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter deemed my response to an incessantly chattering office cleaner rude.

“D.” is a younger person who cleans our office. They routinely eat lunch at the same time I do. I have listened to this individual chatter nonstop for half an hour, detailing to three different people the salad they ate last week, or the woes they have with a reprehensible roommate. I’ve seen this person continue blathering even after a victim walked away from the nonstop, inane chit-chat.

The other day, D. asked me how I was, and I responded, “Fine, thanks.” I didn’t reciprocate the question, because I needed to get back to work. My daughter believes I should have asked how D. was, then extracted myself with an apology and an “I need to get back to work.”

Which one of us has the more mannered response?

Gentle reader: Let’s call them Polite Response B and Polite Response A. Although Miss Manners finds no fault starting with B, it becomes even more blameless when A has already been tried by you — and abused by D.’s nattering on about C, E, F and G.

Dear Miss Manners: I frequent thrift stores and recently found a set of gorgeous ceramic plates: They are a solid color with an intricate raised design. They were a very good price, and I immediately bought them.

When I came home and looked them up, I discovered that they were sold as “charger plates.” I don’t know what to do with these.

I am familiar with the large metal plates that were used as chargers for fancy dinners in my youth, but I was under the impression that these were to be removed from the table prior to serving. When looking up how to use these chargers, I’m seeing people say that they should be left on the table as the top dish is replaced after each course. I want to do these lovely plates justice.

Gentle reader: Chargers, also known as place plates, serve as the under-liners for the soup or another first course, after which both plates are removed from the right as the dinner plate is set from the left. This is a tricky maneuver, as the server has to go in both directions without leaning on the diner.

These plates can be ceramic as well as metal. But Miss Manners hopes that the design is not so raised as to make the soup plate wobble.

Dear Miss Manners: My spouse and I have different techniques for adding ketchup to french fries. My spouse pours an amount of ketchup onto an empty area near the fries and then dips them. I pour the ketchup directly onto the fries. Does etiquette have a preference?

Gentle reader: Nope, it does not really care. Once fingers enter the food arrangement, etiquette gets less picky. Unless, Miss Manners warns, you are sharing the fries — in which case, she recommends whichever method that does not bring you to blows.