Money dates help couples to navigate their finances
Reviewing your bank statements and retirement account balances might not sound romantic, but the purpose of a money date transcends these tasks.
These regular meetups build trust and intimacy, says Bari Tessler, a financial therapist and author of “The Art of Money.” Money dates allow you and your partner to understand each other’s financial perspectives, worries and values; they also will help you tackle logistical matters, such as who is responsible for paying which bills. These dates are ideal for planning short-term goals and discussing big-picture dreams.
Financial check-ins suit all committed couples, even those who have spent decades together. “No matter how long you have been together, you can go back to the beginning with a clean slate and start to have money dates,” Tessler says.
There’s no one formula for a successful financial rendezvous. However, understanding each other’s money backgrounds and values is critical, Tessler says. Then you can tailor your topics based on your specific circumstances.
Here are tips to get started:
Choose a time, setting that suits you both
Whether at your kitchen table, a cozy café or a park bench, select an environment where you both feel comfortable. A half-hour to one-hour discussion once a week is a great place to start, Tessler says. If that doesn’t fit your schedule, you can have longer monthly or quarterly sessions.
Learn each other’s ‘money story’
Share your experiences, cultural and religious influences, family dynamics and other personal information that relates to finances, Tessler says. Give each other ample time to talk. “One person tells their story, and the other listens. Then you switch,” she says.
Discuss the values that guide your financial decisions
Money talks can feel stressful, especially when you and your partner have different spending, saving and investing styles. An effective way to ease the tension is to talk about what’s important to you and why those values matter, Tessler says. Communicate with kindness, compassion and curiosity to create “a no-shame, no-blame zone.”
Once you have a deeper knowledge of each other’s past experiences and guiding principles, you can tackle financial planning with more perspective and a clearer head. Potential topics for your dates include reviewing who handles different financial tasks and the most effective plan to track savings and spending.
A money date doesn’t need to involve a rigid process.
It might mean using the time to call the IRS to create a payment plan for your tax bill on one date and talking through your summer vacation budget on another.
You can also use the time to celebrate financial wins, such as reducing credit card debt.
Regardless of what you discuss — even if the conversation feels tense — the underlying principle remains the same: You have each other’s back.