Dialogue can avert financial infidelity

Most couples would rather discuss their weight, their health, their political persuasions and their religion rather than their credit card debt, student loans or how much cash they carry.

No surprise, money is a major taboo in relationships and is frequently the main factor in divorce.

Indeed, surveys show that couples wait to discuss their debt, salary and other money issues until they’ve moved in together. And even then, there’s reluctance or even a temptation to lie about money.

A recent survey by Bankrate. com on the topic of financial infidelity found that 42% of those interviewed who are married or living with a partner said they’ve kept a financial secret from their significant other.

While some respondents did not consider financial cheating as harmful as a physical affair, about 30% believe otherwise.

What form of financial infidelity? About 30% of those surveyed cited spending more than a partner was OK with, followed by racking up debt without a partner’s knowledge.

Why keep the spending quiet? The main reason for keeping financial secrets was a desire for one partner to control finances, followed by a lack of desire to share the information or even having it come up, followed by embarrassment about money management habits.

While men and women are nearly equal in this lapse, younger people were more likely to confess to at least one instance of financial infidelity, the Bankrate survey said.

Frequently, these mistakes go back to a reluctance to talk about money, which is why communication is the key.

Here are some strategies that can open up the dialogue — even on date night.

your partner or spouse has the same goals as you. He may be yearning for a new car while you want to sock every dollar into buying a house.

Put your cards on the table. Can you compromise by buying a less expensive car or putting off house hunting for one more year while building the nest egg?

Don’t assume

Have regular conversations

about bills, and share the bookkeeping and payment responsibilities. That way both partners will know what’s going on with the money and know the passwords to review accounts.

There’s no problem with each partner having a slush fund to spend as desired. Just consult so the spending doesn’t get out of hand. Likewise, there’s no right or wrong answer to maintaining separate bank accounts. In fact it often makes sense with couples just starting out to do so until feeling more comfortable in the relationship. Just be open about it.