It’s Time For Men To Knock Off The Catcalls
Men, we need to do better. Women routinely traverse a world that refuses to leave them, their bodies, their lives alone; and men need to start talking to each other about it.
I spent this past summer working in residential life for a pre-college summer program at a college in New Haven. Several of our female residents, many no older than 15, got catcalled while walking to class or waiting in line at Starbucks. Others were catcalled by large cars full of men, or groups of guys on bikes. Many girls were deliberately followed down the street by strange, leering, muttering older men and found safety only by walking into a store and telling the cashier what was going on.
Others had strangers follow them as they entered locked university buildings and courtyards. My residents endured sexist, lewd and derogatory harassment. On more than one occasion, grown men exposed their genitalia to teenage girls on the street. Imagine what that would do to the rest of your day.
I am profoundly disappointed, disgusted and saddened by the sheer number of these incidents, because the reality is that grown women, as well as teenage girls, never wonder if they will experience something like this, they wonder when something like this won’t happen. It breaks my heart that every one of these girls will experience multiple moments when a random man will make her aware of her body: aware of what it looks like and aware of what it represents to that male’s gaze. These arrogant and shameful comments put women in a paralyzing position. Any reaction on their part can be regarded as encouragement or a prompt to potential violence.
To my disappointment, the male friends to whom I have relayed these experiences often reflexively deflected from the point. Instead of addressing the topic, many asked if the offending men were homeless or mentally ill (most were not). Or, or they said, “Well, hopefully this was a single isolated incident.” On the contrary, there were many. I put a post on Facebook post about this, but not a single man from my university chose to comment.
Men, there is no excuse, there is no rationale, there is no misconception. A high school girl can’t step outside in broad daylight without the fear of her body becoming a target. If reading that makes you feel uncomfortable or defensive, then ask yourself why you feel the way you do, and let’s have a conversation about it.
If your gut reaction is to give some version of “well not all men …,” then I ask you to think about that response. You don’t need to actively partake in this brand of predatory sexism to be a part of the problem. Staying silent as a friend makes unwarranted sexual comments toward a woman is still passive encouragement. As men, all of us contribute to the social norms of our gender, and it is about time that we address this unacceptable behavior.
For example, I am incredibly proud of a coworker, and fraternity brother of mine, who, this summer, saw a car of five men catcalling one of our female students. He walked up to the car and pointed out how inappropriate it was for them to sexually degrade a high school girl. This is the kind of peer accountability that we need and the kind of incident that men should tell each other about. Together, we can create a space where this is not the gutsy thing to do, but the encouraged thing to do.
Men, we need to do better. We need to set aside our egos and listen. Listen to your female friends, colleagues and family members. Try asking a female friend about the first time her body was publicly objectified, I guarantee you that she will remember the exact details. Listening to these stories can be upsetting, but we need to feel uncomfortable and let that discomfort push us to do better.
Philip Gialopsos, 22, lives in Windsor Locks.
The Courant invites writers younger than 30 to write essays of 650 words or less containing strong views. Please email your submission to freshtalk@courant.com, with your full name, hometown, daytime phone number, age and occupation (or your school’s name and your level in school).