Strange accusation upends friendship Dear Crowd:
Dear Amy: Out of the blue, my best friend of 45 years called to tell me something “uncomfortable” that had been bothering her for about 20 years.
She declared that my husband and I had asked her to join us in a “threesome” multiple times.
I was stunned and asked her what she was talking about. She said that over dinner, we had been whispering together and then made suggestions to her that we wanted to have sex with her.
She said she couldn’t remember any specifics.
My husband and I are very flirty together, but I can’t imagine we ever said or did anything untoward.
She had no explanation for why she continued to visit us without saying anything. She said she just hoped it would stop but realized it wouldn’t.
First of all, we have never entertained this idea — with anyone. She said I was her best friend, but she didn’t feel “like that” about me. I said I didn’t feel that way about her either.
I told her I understood that she was feeling very upset, but what she was suggesting never happened. She then insisted that I take responsibility.
I honestly thought that she might be having a breakdown. Her life has been challenging for the last few years, and she seems to be floundering.
I’m reluctant to write her off completely due to our very long history, but I’m shocked and angry, and I’ll never allow her in my house again. My husband is done with her. Can this friendship be saved?
— Three’s a Crowd
No, I don’t think this friendship can be saved — at least in its previous form. Because this accusation seems so out of bounds, you might assume she is experiencing some cognitive changes that have brought on emotional instability and this strange accusation.
I hope you can see a way to adopt a compassionate stance toward her. Do not admit to something you haven’t done, but do not write her off.
Express concern for her and urge her to get a medical checkup to make sure she’s OK.
Dear Amy: I’m a 19-yearold woman and have been in a stable and happy relationship with my boyfriend for the last 18 months.
He isn’t my first love, but I’d say that he is my first serious relationship.
Well, last year, I had the epiphany that I’m bisexual. Before being in a relationship with my boyfriend, I considered having flings with girls, after high school graduation, to see what it was like.
However, now I feel like I met the right person, and I see us settling down, possibly permanently.
I’m conflicted. I do want to have “fun,” but I already found the right guy. Do you have any advice for me?
— Conflicted
Dear Conflicted: Congratulations! You found the right guy. If you two are in a mutually monogamous, exclusive relationship, then I suggest you continue to enjoy it.
It is completely appropriate to wonder if a committed relationship will be the end of “fun,” especially at your age. This is your mind and body telling you that you are not ready to lock yourself down for the rest of your life.
As you write, your boyfriend is your “first serious relationship.” This tells me that you are aware that there will likely be other relationships. And yes, if you are interested in dating women, then, if your current relationship ends, you should go for it.
Until then, don’t get pregnant, don’t get married, and enjoy this while it lasts.
Dear Amy: Do not give any advice about the coronavirus. In a response to a question from “Recovering in the Pacific NW,” you said that people could get this virus twice. That is not true! Latent virus might stay in the body, and the illness might reappear — this is not being reinfected.
— Upset
Dear Upset: I wrote: “As of this writing, there are some reports of people possibly having this illness more than once.”
The information about COVID-19 is refreshed and refined daily. I don’t offer medical advice, and only report information released by the CDC, with many qualifiers.
My columns are written two weeks in advance of publication and cannot keep pace with research about this disease. That’s why I focus on relationship issues, and this pandemic has raised many of those.
Copyright 2020 by Amy Dickinson
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