Is daughter too happy about her weight?

Dear Amy: My 31-year-old daughter is “happy with her size.” She doesn’t seem to mind that she’s nearly 300 pounds at 5-foot 5-inches tall — until she has a mood swing and then she gets mad at me because I’m not big like her.

I never bring up the subject — ever.

I don’t know what to say and have to be very careful how I address the subject. Other than that, we get along well.

I do worry that her health is at risk, but I don’t dare say a word about her being overweight.

She resents my being smaller. I don’t know what to do or say.

— At a Loss ( for Words)

Dear At a Loss: If you never discuss weight with your daughter, it’s not quite clear how you know that she resents you so deeply.

She is an adult, and she is free to make unhealthy choices — just as you are. What she does not get to do is to blame or shame you. The same goes for you, by the way.

The National Health Lung and Blood Institute at the National Institutes of Health states the following: “Obesity is a serious medical condition that can cause complications such as metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, heart disease, diabetes, high blood cholesterol, cancers and sleep disorders.”

According to the CDC: From 1999 through 2018, U.S. obesity prevalence increased from 30.5% to 42.4%. During the same time, the prevalence of severe obesity increased from 4.7% to 9.2%.

Yet, despite the risk factors presented by obesity, according to both of these sources, it is possible to be both obese and healthy.

You convey that you would somehow feel better if your daughter felt worse — that you might actually be happier if she was unhappy. She is your daughter. How would her unhappiness serve either of you? My perspective is that unhappiness does not help a person lose weight; I believe that the opposite is true. Happiness is overall good for your health.

A person needs to draw on a reserve of strength in order to undertake a health journey.

You are not responsible for your daughter’s mood swings, nor should you let her manipulate you. Encourage her to get regular medical checkups.

Dear Amy: My 25-year-old stepdaughter is an absolute dream. Lovely, smart, and thoughtful.

She has one habit I’m not sure about. When she is upset, she cries so hard that she can become hysterical. She will then seek comfort and, once receiving it, recovers quickly and well. This is not a frequent occurrence, but I’m wondering if this is how an adult should process her feelings?

— Unsure

Dear Unsure: Whether this is how an adult should process her feelings is almost immaterial; this is how your stepdaughter does process her feelings. I suspect that she does this mainly (or only) with family members.

My take is that as long as she doesn’t create or extend the drama beyond its limited shelf-life, and as long as she recovers fully, you should accept this as an emotional flare that she will likely learn to modulate as she continues to mature.

Dear Amy: “Desperate” was the grandmother of two very troubled teenage grandchildren and one grandchild who seemed to be stable. Desperate’s daughter was pressuring her to take one of these teenagers for the summer.

The suggestion you made to the grandmother to have her one grandchild who was not flunking stay with her for a while was spot on. That teenager would do well to get away from the drama at home.

I was 17 years old when my sibling died. My parents were consumed with grief that summer, and our home life was a mess. I was already a temperamental teenager and didn’t need to deal with a crisis day after day.

I am eternally grateful to a woman who offered me a summer job babysitting with her children.

I will always be grateful to that lady. Her children, now grown, still remember the fun we had that summer. It was a bright spot in an otherwise miserable situation.

— Grateful

Dear Grateful: This is a profound tribute to the healing power offered by the duties and distractions of taking care of children.