Hartford Courant

Kids wanting to spend time with their mom shouldn’t be a surprise

- By Jann Blackstone

Q: Mother’s Day was interestin­g at our house this year. I’ve been married to the kids’ dad for most of their lives. They are now 1 5 and 1 7 and were scheduled to be with us but decided to be with their mother for most of the day. This was a little weird because normally they spend more time here with us even though the custody agreement states they are to stay a week with their mother and a week with their father. I don’t want to upset the family dynamic, but if the custody agreement says they are to be with us, shouldn’t they be? What’s good ex-etiquette? A: It has been my experience that once children hit their late teens, the courts will intercede if there are safety issues, but they usually don’t get involved when a child is 17, but 15 is a gray area and often a very troublesom­e age if child and parents don’t agree.

I’m surprised you said that the kids are scheduled to be with their father on Mother’s Day. Working for the court system and thousands of families over the years, the first order of business was always to schedule the kids with mom on Mother’s Day and dad on Father’s Day unless the parents lived far away from each other.

That said, if the kids are at your house most of the time, are you really surprised they opted to be with their mom on Mother’s Day? If they know their mom is feeling bad by their choice to hang at your house, spending time with her on Mother’s Day is a perfect opportunit­y to remind her they love and appreciate her.

Sounds like your family has worked through a lot of the issues families must face when the kids go back and forth. But even in the best of cases, the kids can feel put in the middle and as if they must choose a side. Don’t make them do that. It’s something that will stick with them and become a bone of contention at each milestone.

Your best bet is to continue to do exactly what it sounds like you have been doing: Support the parents in their efforts to co-parent and be there for the kids.

 ?? FOTOSTORM ?? Even in the best of cases, the kids can feel put in the middle and as if they must choose a side.
FOTOSTORM Even in the best of cases, the kids can feel put in the middle and as if they must choose a side.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States