Coordinating efforts will help your child to be organized and calm
Q: My son is 8 and his father and I have been separated for nine months. Yesterday I had a student-teacher conference and the teacher suggested we get him tested for ADHD. This is all new to me. I never saw signs of distraction before, but as he gets older, he is definitely more disorganized. Am I just imagining it or could it be a reaction to his dad moving out? I don’t want to ignore an obvious problem, but I also don’t want to medicate a child who doesn’t really need it.
What’s good ex-etiquette? A: First, even if it is truly a diagnosis of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, that doesn’t necessarily mean he must be medicated. Medicating a child is a decision to be made along with dad and your son’s pediatrician based on the severity of the symptoms your son is displaying. That’s the medical aspect of your question.
The good ex-etiquette aspect of your question requires you and dad to seriously take a look at how you are approaching your parenting plan, exchanges and problem-solving.
The symptoms of depression look very much like the symptoms of ADHD. Disorganization, being distracted, an inability to focus or complete tasks, and mood swings are apparent in both disorders. And if no one in your extended family has ever been diagnosed with something like this, the answer may lie in your approach to your breakup. If you are disorganized, distracted, display an inability to focus or complete tasks, and have mood swings, why would it be a surprise your child also displays these behaviors?
You are modeling distraction and disorganization.
Kids thrive with a schedule on which they can depend, especially if their world has been turned upside down by their parents’ breakup. Do you have a set time for dinner, homework, possibly recreation? Let your child see there is a plan for his mornings before and his evenings after school. Have a place to do homework — at both parents’ homes. If one parent is organized and the other is not, that can confuse a child as well.
You are coordinating efforts to help your child be organized, calm and as free of as much emotional upheaval as you can.