In these grumpy times, choose happiness
We’ve lost our happiness. We’ve embraced our anger and fear and outrage. Yet even in today’s challenging times we can do more to improve our society by choosing happiness over despair.
Remember that this country was founded on happiness. Writing in Time magazine last January, Dartmouth history professor Darrin M. Mcmahon pointed out that the U.S. Declaration of Independence promises “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The American president and Founding Father James Madison called the object of government “the happiness of the people.” Madison meant happiness in its Aristotelian sense of lasting and justified satisfaction with life as a whole. So, as we bicker and insult and groan and tear down, where is our happiness?
An Ipsos survey last year found that just 18% of Americans said they were very happy. A 2022 American Psychological Association poll found that 25% of U.S. adults say they are too stressed to function. Suzanne Pinkes and Stacey G. Sobel of the Anti-defamation League in Connecticut wrote in a recent Courant op-ed that hate incidents in Connecticut increased from 161 in 2021 to 361 in 2022.
Yet happiness is a choice. You and I are in control. Happiness researchers and experts say that many of the most reliable ways to increase happiness are free and readily available. Practicing meditation, having compassion, expressing gratitude, and being altruistic are examples. But our brains and bodies often work against us finding happiness.
Yale professor Laurie Santos (she teaches Yale’s most popular course ever— the science of happiness) says our brains are good at many things but not at making us happy. The things we think will make us happy — money, status, work, or academic achievement—often will not. Science proves that other factors like physical health, mental well-being, and living a purposeful life are much better at delivering happiness.
But how can happiness help fix problems and change the country’s current climate of angst, fear, anger, and nastiness? If we are filled with rage or hate or fear guess what we’re likely to “bless” others with? If we find ways to see the good and project happiness, what will we bless others with? If we feel happy rather than hateful or angry we are more able to affect positive change within ourselves and in our communities.
Pursuing happiness won’t end world poverty today. Happiness won’t resolve LGBTQ issues or end racism or stop violence by next Tuesday. But by boosting our own happiness we become more able and motivated to work objectively and thoughtfully on these and other social issues. Reduce the negativity in myself, get rid of the angry in me and I clear away barriers that keep me from seeing the bigger picture. Experts suggest a boatload of ways to increase personal happiness and a few cautions.
One caution: Realize that being happy all the time isn’t feasible or desirable. Acknowledge (don’t suppress) negative emotions. Accept and deal with difficult feelings like fear, anger, and resentment. You and I can work to clearly identify root causes of our unhappiness, fix what we can, and let go of the rest. Christians sometimes call this “letting go and letting God.”
We can do positive things like building healthy relationships, pursuing hobbies, spending time in nature, becoming more spiritual, and joining a support group.
We can train ourselves to focus as much on our life’s positives as we do on the negatives. Notice and drink in those pleasant things in our lives. Savor uplifting events. Express gratitude. Commit acts of kindness. Laugh.
In 1867 the abolitionist and human rights crusader, Sojourner Truth said, “Life is a hard battle anyway. If we laugh and sing a little as we fight the good fight of freedom it makes it all go easier. I will not allow my life’s light to be determined by the darkness around me.”
Put into practice the belief that we can disagree and still find common ground. Acknowledge that we can have open discussions and gain by learning from others who have different perspectives. Have important, difficult conversations while providing every participant with respect, courtesy, active listening, and kindness. In public discussions emphasize our shared values like freedom, justice for all and (here it comes) the pursuit of happiness.