Tearing out ex from family photos not funny once children see it
Children look to their parents for comfort and direction to navigate the hurt after a breakup.
A: I remember a client confiding that their ex had torn out his face in all of their pictures and replaced them with faces of celebrities. The kids at first thought it was funny, but as time went on, they took it personally. That was their Dad who was torn out of the pictures. Mom always said she never badmouthed Dad, yet, in my opinion, although it was amusing, this was much worse.
There’s also another component to Mom’s actions that she may not have taken into consideration: Those were pictures the kids took. Their artwork. Not only was Dad being eliminated by being torn out of the pictures, but Mom tore up something the children created, that previously was so revered they were displayed all over the home.
The desire to vent after a breakup, put an ex in their place or get them back for what they have done are all natural responses to being hurt. But our kids are hurt, too, and they have no idea how to navigate that hurt. They look for comfort and direction from us, their parents. Humor is a great equalizer.
Laughing heals, but in this case, at whose expense?
My last question is, when you were told about the state of the photographs, what was your reaction? I hope you asked your kids how they felt about it, listened, then found a constructive way to discuss it with their mother when they weren’t around.
You need to have a discussion with the kids. The best-case scenario is with both parents in attendance. If that’s not possible, at least do your best to be on the same page.