Getting Married, Staying Married
Aleeza Ben Shalom talks about relationships, how to find partners and plays matchmaker during a dinner event for Chabad Lubavitch of Sarasota and Manatee Counties at 6 p.m. March 5 at Michael’s on East, 1212 S. East Ave., Sarasota. Dinner tickets are $254
into matchmaking.”
She started in 2019, just before COVID shut down the possibility of in-person meetings. “I set up hundreds of Zoom happy hour dates,” Tibi said.
She credits Ben Shalom’s fame and popularity with helping them build “quite an extensive database of singles looking to be matched. We’re always recruiting and vetting people for other people,” she said. “We have a large network of matchmaking colleagues. We meet online. We have conferences.” There is even a Jewish matchmaking conference.
Finding soulmates in changing times
Matchmaking has clearly changed a lot since the traditional approach depicted in “Fiddler on the Roof.” In years past, marriages were arranged by matchmakers and couples often didn’t meet until their wedding day. The options would be limited by the number of single people living in a particular village.
Now there is a world of singles who might be brought together, said Ben Shalom, who started looking for a way to give back to her community but still allow her to be home with her children. “Friends said I could be an online matchmaker. I was doing it part time when the kids took naps. I started coaching and courses and training.”
The Netflix series is part of a growing operation that includes those classes, VIP matchmaking services, coaching, podcasts and more on her website marriagemindedmentor.com. She has a list of more than 1,000 Jewish matchmakers around the world, and there are 500 volunteer matchmakers connected to her site who are working to set people up.
“The main thing we do is provide support through the relationship process,” she said.
On the series, it is clear the vivacious Ben Shalom enjoys her work when she pays personal visits to clients in California, New York, Miami and other major metropolitan areas. People travel across the country or across town to meet someone. Each episode also offers tips and suggestions to help people get to know a potential life partner apart from physical attraction.
One of those is a five-date rule before there is any touching, including hugs, holding hands or kisses.
She calls it “Hands off for clarity.” It’s a five-date challenge that “reverse engineers the usual process. The physical is completely irrelevant if the emotional and intellectual connections aren’t there. You have a much better shot if I know who you are on the inside. I’ve had guys say, ‘I’d do a 10-date challenge or 20-date challenge.’ It builds the interest and desire. I get total buy-in when we do it my way. Otherwise you get a mess.
Finding matches in Sarasota
Tibi says most of what they do is Jewish matchmaking, but in Sarasota, she realized she had to branch out.
“I was matchmaking for professionals 35 and up, people who were divorced or widowed,” she said.
In Sarasota, a lot of her business is people looking for the second time around. “They know what they want. They are established in their life and not willing to compromise in what they want. They’re looking for a lifestyle match. They’re less hung up on exact matches and more interested in the lifestyle. A lot of people in Florida tell me, ‘I’m happy by myself, I’d like to meet someone but I’m not a nurse or a purse,’ she said.
Tibi has her own business, but is a permanent contractor with Ben Shalom. She said the “Jewish Matchmaking” show (in which she appeared for brief seconds), “is so revolutionary, it’s fun to watch and it puts a name to something that’s ancient but modern.”