Good Grief

move from pain to acceptance after losing a horse.

My legs scurried to stay under me as my body fell against the cold, concrete wall. On the other side he fell, too. I couldn’t watch. I had to remember him whole, galloping in his many photo shoots. This was my 16-year-old-horse, Q. But more than an animal, he was my business partner, my friend. He was family.

A moment ago, I’d hugged his sweat-soaked neck and looked down to see the droplets of red on my boots. The attempts to slide a tube through his nostrils didn’t relieve the pressure of this first-ever colic. Blood outlined his muzzle.

Q’s colon ruptured somewhere between our home and the veterinary hospital. Doctors swarmed him when he stepped off the trailer. But it was too late. Surgery wasn’t an option. I remember the veterinarian’s words.

“He’s in pain. It’s best to put him down.” I could only answer with a nod while unspoken questions swirled in my mind. Didn’t they know he was fine until yesterday?

In the padded room, I memorized the feel of hugging his neck. I gulped the word “goodbye.”

In the hall, my muscles failed me. Grief took over.

LOOKING FOR COMFORT

That was nine months ago. Since then, I’ve learned that no matter what type of love you’ve lost, it takes time to heal.

Here, I’ll share my thoughts about grief and hope my process may help others.

I first looked for comfort from books. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D., author of On Grief & Grieving, outlines the five stages of grief we’re all familiar with: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

“There is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives,” she writes.

For the equestrian perspective, I reached out to trainer Barbra Schulte, who writes about overcoming grief in her book, Healing Thoughts on Loss, Grief & Horses. I cried for her when I learned that she lost her son to cancer. Her advice?

“Be kind to yourself. Emotional pain is tough. Rest. Don’t force anything. You’ve put out tremendous mental, physical and emotional energy, and now it’s time to recover in all of those ways.”

At first, I felt guilty sharing my loss of Q with Schulte. Shouldn’t I lessen my grief of a horse in the presence of her loss of a child?

“I believe every experience of grief is unique,” she explains. “That’s because the love,