To button or not to button — a jacket— that is the question
DearMissManners:
After seeing so many men keeping their jackets buttoned when standing, sitting to chat, forecasting weather or playing amusical instrument, and others leaving them completely unbuttoned in these situations, I have searched for your say. You once opined that buttoning a vest’s bottom button is rebellious.
Should a conductor in black tie leave his jacket unbuttoned? Unbutton it to play piano? Keep it buttoned sitting at dinner? Does a vest make a difference? I wonder about a cummerbund.
Gentle Reader:
All that fuss, just because Edward VII overindulged!
As a result of a fat monarch’s inability to button the bottom button of his waistcoat or his jacket, here we are, a century later, with even trim gentlemen forced to do the same. MissManners would have thought that the London tailors who came up with this solution would have been better employed making their king a suit that fit him. Or at least consenting to move his buttons.
There is no use rebelling: From Edwardian times on, proper tailors have been making suits that hang right only with that last button unfastened, and that may require the jacket to be entirely unbuttoned when the gentleman is seated. Yet controversy still rages about whether the cummerbund or waistcoat that is worn with a dinner jacket allows, or even requires, the jacket to be buttoned when its wearer is standing.
However, a gentlemanwho is amusician should be immune from such unseemly debates. He ought to be in full evening dress— white tie as opposed to black tie— where the swallowtail coat hangs open over the piqué waistcoat. Conductors are seen from the back, where the tails are fetching, or at least amusing. Pianists can throwthe tails back over the piano benchwith a flourish. Once a gentleman whowas dressed to take MissManners to a ball had somuch fun doing that, that he could hardly be persuaded to leave the piano bench and go to the ball.
DearMissManners:
I have always believed that you should let those exiting go first, as in the case of an elevator. I am a male and was in the process of exiting the small copy room at the office. The doorway is big enough only for one person at a time.
A female was racing into the room and practically pushed me out of the way. Imade a comment that she should let people exit before pushing into the room. She replied with an expected ladies- first comment. Who is right?
Gentle Reader:
Ah, yes, nothing says “ladylike” asmuch as pushing people aside and demanding precedence.
Your colleague is as wrong in theory as she is in practice. “Ladies first” is a social system that does not apply in the working world. But in any case, a lady or anyone else trying to enter a room should defer to someone who is halfway through the door.
DearMissManners:
I had back surgery several months ago, andmy recovery is expected to be long. I have needed to use a walker and now a cane for assistance.
I amshocked at the number of complete strangers who have come up to me and made comments such as, “Why are you using that?” ( pointing to the walker), “Is that permanent or temporary?” and “What’s wrong with you?”
While a rude reply is very tempting, I know that’s not correct. I usually ignore them, but what is the correct response to these buffoons?
Gentle Reader
That is a formidable challenge that you are facing— thinking up a reply to “Why are you using that?” which doesn’t sound sarcastic.
MissManners tried practicing the most straightforward answers:
“I’musing it to walk. It’s awalker.”
“Oh, it’s just temporary until I can find one of those antique canes with the silver tops and concealed weapons.”
“Wrong? Is there something wrong I can help you with?”
Oh, dear. But even before she slipped off the straightforward path, Miss Manners noticed that her tone did not suggest that these people were being as friendly and compassionate as they no doubt think themselves. Perhaps you can do better.