Woman with lots of friends is ready to celebrate herself

Dear Miss Manners:

I am a 51-year-old woman who has a lot of friends. I’ve been to engagement parties, weddings, baptisms, first communions, kids’ birthdays up to the age of 18, etc. I’m blessed to have so many friends. I have never been married or have kids. I do not make a lot of money, and my friends know that.

I have dear friends in Australia who are paying my way next year to stay with them for 3½ weeks.

I am not a selfish person, but the idea came to me that, given all the things I’ve been going to, I thought it might be my turn to have a celebration for me.

My friends from Australia are giving me money for my expenses for the weeks that I will be gone. I would be able to use that money for spending. Gentle Reader:

How fortunate you are to have those spontaneously generous friends in Australia.

And how sad it is that instead of inspiring gratitude, this leads you to begrudge your own past generosity and think about extracting payback from other friends. If that’s the way you believe that friendship should work, Miss Manners suggests that you start worrying about the time when your hosts tally what they spent on you and plot to get an equivalent return. Dear Miss Manners:

We get (real) mail in a mailbox attached to the wall just outside our door. I often do not pick up the mail the instant it comes because I am doing something else, and I want to get the mail when I can deal with it.

Usually if someone comes to the door while there is mail in the mailbox, they will take it out of the mailbox and hand it to me, or sometimes if they are coming in, they will bring it in with them and put it down someplace random, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid by not bringing it in until I was ready to deal with it.

I am utterly baffled as to why anyone would think that this is helpful, but so many people do it that there must be something I am missing. If it were just one or two people who did it repeatedly, I would find a nice way to ask them to stop, but how do I prevent nice, friendly people from doing this? Gentle Reader:

Short of putting a mousetrap in your mailbox — or a lock — Miss Manners does not see how you can prevent an endless stream of nice people who are ignorant of your habits nevertheless trying to be helpful (which is why they do it). She is just grateful to be given a problem in which everyone means well. Dear Miss Manners:

New relationship very early stages: Should I put a kiss on birthday card? Gentle Reader:

Not before you know the person well enough to predict whether the reaction will be pressing the card to the recipient’s cheek, or dropping it and going off to wash the hands. Dear Miss Manners:

I had a large party yesterday with 100 people responding that they would come. Only 70 showed up.

How do I respond to people who sent me emails this morning saying, “So sorry we couldn’t make it. The weekend just got away from us. Hope you had fun”? Gentle Reader:

No response is necessary. If there is further inquiry, Miss Manners suggests telling your guests that time just got away from you. Visit Miss Manners at missmanners.com, where you can send her your questions.

Universal Uclick for UFS ARIES (March 21-April 19) xxxxx A power play involving a respected elder or boss could backfire. Strong feelings are likely to emerge from the experience. Make a point of getting together with a loved one, or make time for a special child in your life. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) xxx You might prefer to take a backseat in what seems to be happening around you. By being an observer, you could discover a new side of a loved one. Indulge yourself and buy that special item you have been coveting for a while. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) xxxxx Don’t hesitate to reach out to your friends. Join them in whatever activity they seem to be involved with. For some, it might be a spectator sport; for others, it could be an interactive activity. You’ll recharge your batteries in the process. CANCER (June 21-July 22) xxx Take responsibility and deal with someone who often rains on your parade. Express more understanding or ask for some insight as to why he or she behaves a certain way. An open discussion could provide you with a fresh perspective. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) xxxx Reach out to someone at a distance this morning. In fact, you might want to make a round of calls to those you typically don’t have time to check in with. Enjoy a lively exchange of news. Encourage a visit in the near future. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) xxxx One-on-one relating will take you down a unique path. You are likely to gain an unusual understanding of a special person in your life, which will allow you to bypass a hassle in the near future. Demonstrate your caring through a kind gesture. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) xxxx A partner or loved one could be unusually challenging right now. Your caring will evolve to a new level once you understand where this person is coming from. Several friends might want to draw you into a happening later in the evening. Go for it! SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) xxx You might want to The stars show the kind of day you’ll have: xxxxx — Dynamic xxxx — Positive xxx — Average xx — So-so x — Difficult put a halt on weekend indulgences and head to the gym or start some other form of exercise. As a result, you will reduce your stress, feel better and make a better impression. A friend or loved one will cheer you along. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) xxxx Don’t hold back or let a financial matter trip you up. Your caring will make all the difference to a child or new friend. Remember not to get twisted up in life’s mundane details so much. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) xxx Devote more quality time to a roommate or family member. Your attention and caring will be returned tenfold, but don’t let that be the reason you choose to indulge this person today. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) xxxxx Make an effort toward a child or loved one who perhaps doesn’t feel as upbeat as you might. Your friendship tends to help this person gain perspective on his or her life. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) xxx Make it a day of indulgence. For some of you, you might decide just to stay in bed, whereas others might choose to dine at a favorite restaurant or pick up a few items at a favorite store. Just do whatever will make you smile. Happy birthday This year you are opening up to many new experiences. You might be seen more frequently on the social scene. You tend not to be judgmental, and as result you will draw a variety of personalities toward you. If you are single, you open up to dating many different types of people. However, this year someone special most likely will mosey on into your life. You will know when this person appears. If you are attached, the two of you might expand your immediate circle of friends. A new mutual hobby is also likely. Aries can be provocative.

King Features Syndicate