A phone call from kids is the best Father’s Day gift

Dear Abby:

It’s Father’s Day. Maybe now is the time for people to forgive, forget and remember how wonderful their dad was when they were growing up.

I am dating a man whose two grown children live out of state. He and his wife divorced when the kids were young, and he tried hard to keep a good relationship with them. But even with the best intentions, there are sometimes obstacles that get in the way.

He loved being a father, and tells me stories about singing songs to his kids at bedtime and getting down on the floor to play with them. I can see how much he loves them and how painful it is for him to not have them in his life. He has no idea why they are distant. I suggested he ask them directly what happened. He said he has tried, with no response.

I’m not saying he’s a perfect man, but he has many more good qualities than bad. I think the best gift he could receive this Father’s Day would be a simple phone call. No card or necktie would mean as much. Life is short and precious. Holding on to negativity or the past is so much more work than letting it go and forgiving, and it’s good for the soul.

Wise Lady from the Midwest Dear Wise Lady:

If your boyfriend was present in his children’s lives in spite of the divorce while they were growing up, it’s possible they may be so involved in their own lives that they have “forgotten” their dad might appreciate hearing from them. Feeling as you do, continue to encourage him to reach out to his kids. Dear Abby:

My daughter is being married for the second time. Some of the guests were invited to her first wedding and will be invited to her second one as well.

As her mother, I don’t feel right about expecting certain guests who have already given her one wedding gift to give her another. How would you suggest we convey to this “select group” that a gift is not expected from them? Would it be proper to state something such as “Your presence is our present”?

Mother of the Bride, Again Dear Mother:

No mention of gifts should be made in your daughter’s wedding invitation. I agree that guests who gave your daughter gifts for her first wedding should not feel compelled to buy her anything more than a token gift for this one. This goes for any guest who attended the first wedding, not just “select” guests, whatever that means. Any discussion regarding gifts should be done verbally by you if you are hosting the wedding.