Houston-area families anxious over same-sex marriage ruling
Parents wrestle with their faith, love for children
If it weren’t for the listing of two grooms, the wedding notice would have seemed so 20th century.
The parents, Bobby and Jerí Goldsmith of Friendswood, were immensely proud. The marriage ceremony in New York was simple and lovely. The celebrants, judging from the blackand-white photo, were overjoyed.
Bobby Goldsmith, 61, said he didn’t think much about placing the announcement in the Houston Chronicle. But Jerí Goldsmith, 62, was aware of the political overtones. If anyone cared to challenge her support of her son and new son-in-law, she said, “Bring it on.”
Any day now, the Supreme Court will rule on a case that could determine whether all 50 states must allow same-sex couples to wed, a landmark decision on an issue that has divided families,
friends and even regions of the country. It will come after an enormous shift in public opinion in just the span of a decade. For most young Americans, marriage equality is a non-issue. But it is not so simple for older generations, who have long defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman. And for some of those with gay children, the dilemma has been wrenching.
“This is something I’ve given a great deal of thought,” said Bill Diamond, whose daughter is married to another woman. “I love my daughter. And I love her partner. But I believe that (same-sex marriage) is harmful to our culture and harmful to the people who engage in it.”
Neither Diamond nor his wife, Wanda Diamond, attended the outof-state wedding that took place two years ago.
In a pained voice, Bill Diamond asked: “How could we? If there is a God and the Bible is the representation of that, then homosexuality is wrong.”
••• Since Massachusetts began granting marriages to same-sex couples in 2004, 36 states have followed suit. Ron and MaryJo Dupré of Houston have cheered what they see as progress; they have three sons, two of them gay
But the notion of marriage equality, the idea that all Americans have the constitutional right to wed whomever they choose, wasn’t always obvious to them. There was a time, in fact, when they wished that all of their children were heterosexual.
“When you hold those little cuties in your arms in the hospital, you’re thinking someday they’re going to give you grandchildren,” said MaryJo Dupré, 71. “When both boys came out in the summer of 1992, I worried I’d never get those grandkids, and the boys were going to have such a hard life. I cried a lot.”
Her husband shared her concern.
“Typically, when the kids come out of the closet, the parents go in,” said Ron Dupré, 76. “I asked the usual question, ‘What did I do wrong?’ ”
At the time, he said, “I was a very conservative, Republican-type person. Then I made a 180-degree turn. I got educated.”
Both Duprés attended regular meetings of PFLAG, or Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays.
That’s when the light dawned, MaryJo Dupré said.
“I had thought marriage was only between a man and a woman,” she said. “Then I realized, ‘What a minute. Nobody says you can’t be baptized if you’re gay. Nobody says you can’t be confirmed if you’re gay. Why shouldn’t you be able to marry the person you love if you’re gay?”
The Duprés hesitate to give their sons’ names, ages or say where they live. It is shocking, they said, how much discrimination still exists against the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community and what a hostile place Texas still can be.
Over the years, the Duprés said, they have changed political parties, but they have held on to their church and their faith.
“I feel we’re better Christians now,” Ron Dupré said. “We have a better appreciation for people’s suffering.”
••• The Duprés believe God loves their three sons equally, including the one who is married to another man.
Bill and Wanda Diamond, who describe themselves as Biblebelieving Christians, interpret their faith differently. They say God views marriage as a sacred pact between one man and one woman.
It was difficult when one of the Diamond’s two daughters asked her parents for support as she embarked on a relationship with a woman.
“We told her that while we loved her dearly and nothing could change that, we could never support that as a beneficial or good or right thing for her to do,” said Bill Diamond, 72. “We were not angry, but she was angry with us.”
When that relationship ended, the daughter, who did not want her name published, began dating a woman who ultimately became her wife.
While the Diamonds didn’t attend the wedding, they do visit their daughter and her wife and welcome the two women into their home.
“This is no easy thing for any of us,” Bill Diamond said. “At one point, we all met with a therapist who my daughter had chosen, and that made a huge difference. My daughter felt like we were being unloving, but the therapist explained, ‘They disagree with your lifestyle, but they love you.’ ”
The Diamonds feel they cannot bend.
“This is really about right and wrong,” Bill Diamond said.
“It’s not our thinking but God’s thinking that matters,” added Wanda Diamond, 71.
Attorney Beau Miller and his father, state Rep. Rick Miller, also struggle to maintain a loving relationship while disagreeing on same-sex marriage. Father, 70, and son, 42, spent last Christmas together.
When the Republican legislator from Sugar Land returned to Austin in the new year, however, he proposed a bill that would undo the nondiscrimination ordinances that protect LGBT residents of Texas cities, including Houston, Dallas, Fort Worth, Austin and San Antonio.
“I didn’t mean it as a slap at my son, not at all,” the legislator said.
Beau Miller didn’t know about his father’s proposed legislation, which didn’t pass and never even had a hearing, until reporters started calling. He tried to respond in a respectful way, he said, “but it was obviously upsetting.”
In the past few months, father and son have confined most of their communication to texts.
Beau Miller says he expects the Supreme Court to allow same-sex marriage in all 50 states. “This is about letting two people who love each other commit themselves to each other in a way that society recognizes,” he says. “What could be more joyous than that?”
Rick Miller doesn’t expect same-sex marriage to become the law of the land. “Texans don’t want that,” he said. But he does hope to see his son and his partner this Christmas.
“I see no reason why we shouldn’t,” he said.
••• Baker Goldsmith, 25, and the son of Bobby and Jerí Goldsmith, has enjoyed the support of his family virtually all of his life. But his new husband, Justin Smith, hasn’t had that experience. When Smith’s parents realized that he was gay at 15, they began trying to change him.
The elder Smiths refused to attend the recent wedding, and they also refused to meet the Goldsmith family.
Still, Smith, 32, tries to stay in touch with his Mississippi family, even if it’s painful. He doesn’t want to lose contact with his niece, 7, and nephews, 4 and 2.
The couple plans to stay in Texas, no matter what the court decides. They hope to raise their children here.