Luck had nothing to do with surviving serious accident

Dear Miss Manners:

Several months ago, I was in a serious car accident. I am recovering well, but the accident has left me with lingering pain and mobility issues.

At least a dozen friends and family members have felt the need to tell me how “lucky” I am that the outcome was not worse.

While I am, of course, grateful not to be dead or paralyzed, it is not pleasant to be tired and in pain, and I find it a little difficult to smile and agree that yes, I am lucky.

Is there a polite way to let people know that these sentiments, while well-meaning, may come across as thoughtless and hurtful? Gentle Reader:

Ah, yes, a car crash. Some people have all the luck.

Miss Manners agrees that this all-too-common response to the troubles of others is peculiarly annoying.

It is true that nearly any situation could, theoretically, be better or worse. Cheerful people often tell themselves that misfortunes could have been worse. But it is not for others to say.

A milder version of your rejoinder would be, “Well, I wish you even better luck than I have had.” Dear Miss Manners:

An out-of-town friend invited my daughter and me to dinner. My daughter’s boyfriend ended up joining us for the trip, and I told my friend of the boyfriend’s addition and gave her the option of withdrawing her offer, as I did not want to invite guests to her party.

My friend said all three of us were welcome. Thinking I would reduce the stress and expense on the hostess, I told her I would bring bread, fruit, wine and dessert.

The hostess did not “hear” my offer. I do not know or care if it was intentional or not, as it was certainly well within her “rights” as hostess to do so. She had a full meal and dessert for us and sent me home with all my “gifts” and the kindest of words.

Since my friend was a true hostess, I am now in a position of having offered her nothing in return for her generosity except my thanks. I am not complaining, but want to make it right.

How do I (1) apologize for not allowing her to be a proper hostess in the first instance by trying to supply half the dinner, and (2) thank her for being such a generous and gracious hostess? Gentle Reader:

You write her a letter extolling her graciousness and express the hope that she will visit you in your town. You could also, if you wish, send flowers or a little present.