H-E-B-pitchmen Watt, McClelland a regular comedy team now
lot) decide to visit new Texans quarterback Brock Osweiler and welcome him to the neighborhood.
Osweiler, wearing cowboy boots and a ridiculous Sheriff Woody 10-gallon hat, invites them into his home. Osweiler has decorated the house like a Wild West dude ranch. There’s even a mechanical bull in the living room.
“Why would you do this?” Watt and McClelland ask.
Osweiler says he wants to be a real Texan.
Watt says, “All it takes to be a real Texan is to shop at H-E-B.”
McClelland offers to buy the mechanical bull, but first he’d like to take a spin on it.
It doesn’t end well for the supermarket boss.
And … cut!
J.J. Watt, Brock Osweiler and Scott McClelland made four H-E-B commercials in one day last week. The production company, The Richards Group, rented a lavish home in the Memorial area of Houston for the shoot.
McClelland and Watt have been doing these spots since 2012 — they’re practically a comedy team now. Last week was the first time Osweiler appeared in a commercial, anywhere for anybody.
During a break in shooting, I sat at the kitchen table with Watt and McClelland and talked show business and silly money.
I asked Watt, “Most people don’t like looking at themselves on video and can’t stand listening to their own voice. Do you cringe when one of your commercials comes on TV?”
The NFL’s serial Defensive Player of the Year said, “I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, so I don’t see my commercials too much. But I don’t shudder when I see myself. It’s interesting, really. Like when I’m in a restaurant and I see myself on the TV, it
catches me. I have to look twice. It’s weird, but after all these years, it’s kind of become second nature.”
The new commercials will begin airing in June, when the Texans start preparing for the 2016 season. For the first time, viewers will see Watt with a beard in an H-E-B spot. McClelland said he’s jealous — he can’t grow one.
Watt has developed into one of the NFL’s most marketable players. He has a natural wit and self-effacing humor. He’s certainly not camera-shy. He enjoys making commercials, and there’s no shortage of companies that want him to pitch their products.
“I try to align myself with brands that I believe in, that I personally use. I do shop at H-E-B. I turn down hundreds of opportunities each month. I also align myself with people the same way. It’s all about being with good people. That’s why I pick Scott to stand next to me, so I’ll look like a big, tough football player. He’s the lean, good-looking actor.”
Watt always wears a Texans jersey in the spots, with sleeves rolled all the way up. “I’ve worked too hard for these things to keep them hidden,” he said of his biceps.
McClelland responded, “I’m not sure you’d call what I do ‘acting.’ J.J.’s arms are as big as my legs. I did nothing but curls at the gym leading up to our filming, and my arms still look like string cheese next to his. I’m like those people at the beach who always stay covered up.”
Watt and McClelland have a comfortable way about them. It’s easy to believe that they really do live next door to each other, like in the commercials. They’re handed scripts, but Watt has total ad-lib privileges.
“My ad libs? I blame that on me just not remembering my lines,” Watt said. “Those are the funniest ones, when we go off of our lines and we just riff.
“Every time I work with Scott, I feel like I’m holding us back. I remember the first one we did. I tripped, and I almost wiped him out. The new ones are really funny. I like the early ones, too, because we were new at it. We were just feeling it out at first. Now we have a really good rapport.”
McClelland remembers Watt tripping into him. “I saw my life flash before my eyes,” he said.
The Watt spot that got the most attention from fans: the one in which Watt is eating Greek yogurt and wearing a toga.
“The main question I get is, ‘Were you wearing anything under the toga?’ I don’t tell them the answer. I let their minds go where they want.”
I asked Watt, “You are aware that the ancient Greeks didn’t wear togas, right?”
He said, “Absolutely! Don’t blame me, talk to Scott — he wrote it.”
McClelland said, “OK, so I’m not a history professor. I’m just trying to sell groceries.”
Watt, Osweiler and McClelland finish all four commercials in about six hours. Each commercial was filmed twice, once with a wide shot, a second time for close-ups. In one of the spots, they’re sitting in the backyard, having lunch, when McClelland says he’s just noticed something.
“We look so much alike, we could be longlost brothers! When I look at you guys, it’s like I’m looking in a mirror.” Watt’s comeback is hilarious. No words, just a look. Acting. “I do think about acting at some point,” Watt said. “It would all depend on the situation and the opportunity. I wouldn’t do it just to do it. I wouldn’t do it to play J.J. Watt. I play him every day of my life. Acting is fun because I can be somebody else and bring a character to life.”
Right now, J.J. Watt is the role he was born to play. He’s the best at what he does, young, popular and … when you play in the NFL, everybody knows how much money you make. He’s crazy rich. So what dumb things have you bought now that you’re in the top 1 percent of the 1 percent?
“That is one of the best parts of having this life I have. If I see something cool, yeah, I can buy it. If I’m bored, I’ll go to the store and buy like 20 water guns, and my buddies and I will have a watergun fight. I like to buy fun things. I’ll buy four cornhole games so we can have a tournament. And then they’ll sit in my garage until the next barbecue.
“Up in Wisconsin, I have 36 acres, so I have a 1,000 cc off-road vehicle. It’s sweet, pretty incredible. But I definitely don’t need it. I love driving it around in the winter. It’s very safe. It has a roll cage. Don’t worry, I’m not coming close to rolling it. It’s fun to have toys.
“I’m building a pond on my land in Wisconsin. I probably don’t need that, either. But it looks cool. I’ve got a pool-basketball hoop. It’s dumb, but I like it. I built a pool specifically for pool volleyball. I love to compete.
“I never anticipated being where I am now. It’s a crazy world, and I’m very fortunate to be where I am, and I’m going to have fun with it.”