Mother’s Day surcharge provokes family squabble
Dear Miss Manners:
My wife, children and myself were invited to a Mother’s Day barbecue by my brother and sister-inlaw. After the meal, my wife and I were asked to contribute $45 for the food.
Additionally, this was asked of my parents and grandmother. We didn’t know this in advance, and we mentioned we never charged them for a gathering at our house (such as New Year’s Eve). My parents didn’t argue.
My wife and I are so insulted that we are debating not inviting them to our son’s fourth birthday in three weeks. Now my parents have threatened that if we do not invite them, my parents will not attend. Gentle Reader:
Whenever Miss Manners has mentioned the letters she gets from those whose relatives have charged them for Thanksgiving dinner, she is met with disbelief. But, as you have experienced, indecent people make a mockery of family relations, and of the ancient and honorable virtue of hospitality. Miss Manners commiserates with you on being related to such people.
She urges you not to retaliate. Charging them would, of course, be lowering yourself to condone this travesty, and excluding them would further trouble your parents. It will not be easy to say nothing and to offer a demonstration of true family feeling, but she believes that this is the only hope of making that point. Dear Miss Manners:
After Mother’s Day, my sister called to tell me how she was offended that neither our mother nor I had purchased a Mother’s Day gift for her. This is her second Mother’s Day with her son, and this was not addressed last year. I kindly informed her that she, in fact, is not my mother, and that I had purchased Mother’s Day gifts for our mother, grandmother and my godmother.
What is the proper etiquette for Mother’s Day gift giving? Gentle Reader:
Not that it is an opportunity for anyone who has given birth to spread around demands and guilt. Miss Manners advises leaving the argument at the reasonable explanation you already made. And eventually doing whatever you can to offset the example of greed and entitlement that will doubtless be passed on to your poor nephew.