Walking a fine line between ‘chummy’ and ‘snooty’
Dear Miss Manners:
When one writes to close friends/family, what are the possible letter endings? And in the case of teachers, which is a suitable letter ending?
Where would it be apt to use “Yours sincerely,” “Yours faithfully” and “Yours truly”? And to which kinds of recipients? Gentle Reader:
You and Miss Manners must be the only people left who use the conventional forms in letters. Others apparently suffer from the current Fear of Formality, believing that anything short of chumminess is snooty — even in obviously formal situations. Or they may analyze the words and decide that they are not “yours” at all to the recipient, let alone sincerely, faithfully or truthfully.
Thus many letters now open with “Hi” instead of “Dear,” and end with “Best wishes,” “Best regards” or just “Best.” They could do better.
Miss Manners realizes that forms change over the years. She admits that “I remain, sir, your most humble, obedient servant” would not now pass either the truth test or the literal meaning test.
Still, she would like to retain some difference between addressing lovers, strangers and those in between. In formal correspondence, “Yours truly” is the closing for business letters. “Sincerely yours” is for social correspondence short of the love-and-kisses stage, or the more restrained “Fondly yours” or “Affectionately yours” for close friends and relatives.
Which would be suitable for a teacher depends on the content of the letter.
If you are writing to demand a change in your grade, it should be businesslike; if you are expressing gratitude for intellectual enlightenment, the more personal declaration of sincerity would be warranted.
But Miss Manners is not quite so rigid as to exclude a burst of enthusiasm, such as “Gratefully yours,” in the latter case. And those for whom “sincerely” and “truly” are not chummy enough should feel free to toss in a “very” with either one. Dear Miss Manners:
When we were invited to a wedding reception for a co-worker and friend, the invitation made it clear that the event was a dinner reception at a local restaurant. In small print at the bottom, we were told we were expected to pay for our meal due to lack of finances.
We were a bit taken back by this, as the bride and groom had just recently returned from Disney World, but we attended and paid for our meals. A few months later, they had a baby shower, for which we provided food and a gift.
To my surprise, in the mail today we received a save the date for the couple’s wedding — over a year after the first wedding reception.
How do we respond? I feel we already attended a wedding celebration and have no reason to attend another. Other friends who’ve been invited are also confused as to how to respond
and feel like this couple is just seeking attention, money and gifts. Gentle Reader: You think? Miss Manners advises you to stop participating. She promises you that these people are not planning to stop asking. Dear Miss Manners:
When I went out to brunch with a friend I have known for many years, we became a little intoxicated, and through the course of laughter, my friend said to me that I am much more fun when I’m drunk.
She isn’t the first person to say this to me, and this particular friend has said it a few times now. Another friend once said to me that the drunk version of me is more fun to hang out with.
I’m always unsure how to respond because the implication, no matter how it’s worded, is that I’m not fun when I’m sober.
I have a great sense of humor, and I use it often. Maybe I am sensitive, but I know I’m not an uptight person; I can be silly and cut loose, especially with my friends, even when sober.
How do I respond to this statement that I feel is more insulting than complimentary? Gentle Reader:
“Oh dear, what a bore I must be when I am sober. But as the alternative would be acquiring a drinking problem — and neither of us wants that — I am afraid you will have to continue to put up with me.” Visit Miss Manners at missmanners.com, where you can send her your questions. Andrews McMeel Syndication