Dealing with backhanded ‘compliments’
Dear Miss Manners:
I have a friend who is kind, intelligent and interesting. But she has a habit of doing something that really bothers me, and I’m not sure how to handle it.
She is not the kind of person who hands out compliments, and when she does, it doesn’t feel like one. Right after our youngest daughter’s wedding, she sent me a text to tell me how nice it was, but that she liked our other daughter’s wedding venue better.
I didn’t ask for her opinion. She did the same thing after we moved to a new house. I invited her over and without my asking, she told me our first house was her favorite. Again, I didn’t ask.
Why would you offer a compliment about a previous event or purchase during the current one? It’s so exasperating! And rude. I have always complimented her on her taste, her appearance, etc. and she never seems to have anything constructive to say to me. It seems so petty to let this bother me, but it does, and I’m not sure how to respond to these backhanded compliments. What do you advise? Gentle Reader:
That you get a better class of friends. Miss Manners recalls you starting this question by stating how kind and intelligent your friend was. Evidence seems to point otherwise.
You might respond, “I am so sorry that you feel that way, but it seems there is nothing we can do about it now. I hope that you were/will be able to enjoy the evening, nevertheless.”