It’s OK to decline handyman’s invitation without explanation

Dear Miss Manners:

I hired a tradesperson to do some painting and odd jobs on my property. As we were discussing the bill, he said, “You can either pay me, or take me to dinner.” I was so shocked that I immediately changed the subject.

Putting aside the fact that I felt his behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional, I am an asexual woman with no interest in romantic relationships, so any such invitation will need to be declined. Could you please equip me with a phrase or two that I could use in the future? Gentle Reader:

While Miss Manners finds her interest piqued by your explanation, she assures you that it is unnecessary in declining unwanted invitations.

You may simply say, “Thank you, but I am afraid that is out of the question.” That you do not date, and why, will only invite more unwanted attention.

However, there is a significant difference between declining an invitation in a social situation than in a professional one. In the latter, you may be dependent on the person’s work or otherwise required to have another encounter. In that case, you may say, “I am sure that your boss would not want to collect their fees in dinner. Let us keep this relationship professional” — doing your best not to make it sound, at least overtly, like a threat. Dear Miss Manners:

I am a social-media user and would appreciate a list of do’s and don’ts for polite social-media use in society. I am also a young professional, and would like to keep interactions with work colleagues appropriate, as well as those with old friends and family. Gentle Reader:

DO NOT post pictures of people without their permission — or of yourself, if you are not certain that there won’t be professional repercussions.

DO get separate social and business accounts if you are unable to perform the above.

DO NOT use “likes” to check your self-worth and the status of your friendships.

DO NOT post deeply personal things and then act shocked when your friends make reference to them.

DO NOT assume that any invitations sent on social media are binding. Or be surprised when either no one shows up — or overcrowding necessitates that the police do.

DO NOT use social media as a platform to disparage your friends, family or co-workers, even if you think you are doing so in vague terms. They will know.

DO stay in touch with people who are important to you through means other than social media. Miss Manners herself has enjoyed a long and healthy social life without it, and plans to continue doing so.