Cruz defeats Kimmel in ‘blobfish basketball’
Senator tops TV host in game loaded with missed shots, air balls
It was the Thunderdome from “Mad Max” or the coliseum from “Spartacus,” if either Max or Sparty were two middle-aged American men playing a slowmotion car-crash of half-court basketball for charity and political one-upmanship.
Conservative Texas Sen. Ted Cruz triumphed over liberal ABC late-night host and comedian Jimmy Kimmel with a hardwon 11-9 victory in the first Blobfish Basketball Classic at Texas Southern University’s Health and Physical Education Arena Saturday. The event, which turned out to be a Coachella festival of air balls, missed shots and footwork that would make a sloth look like Usain Bolt, was sparked by Twitter trash-talk that started after Cruz posted a picture of himself supporting the Rockets over the Golden State Warriors during Game 7 of the NBA’s Western Conference finals.
Kimmel joked that Cruz resembled a blobfish, a not particularly attractive creature that dwells at the bottom of the ocean.
Cruz responded with the idea of a basketball challenge. Kimmel took him up on it, and the two agreed the proceeds from their $5,000 wager would be donated to two local charities, the nonprofit Generation One and Texas Children’s Hospital. Parts
of the game will be televised on Kimmel’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” show at 10:35 p.m. Monday.
The crowd in the 8,100-capacity venue — though half of the seats were blocked off because it was not a full-court game — was enthusiastic, even if the level of play often was not. While most of the fans seemed to be on Kimmel’s side in terms of sport and politics — there were enough Tshirts proclaiming support for Democratic Senate candidate (and Cruz political opponent) Beto O’Rourke to make it seem like a Beto convention. But Cruz, wearing a Houston Strong shirt, had a lot of support in the town he calls home, too.
Houston resident Randall Haynie was there in a Trump shirt and MAGA hat.
“These events don’t usually happen when a senator or someone calls out someone. That person (usually) backs down,” he said before the game. “So you can see why there are so many people are here. Another reason is to see my senator. … I hope Cruz wins.”
Midgame change
On the other side of the fence was Houstonian Rodrigo Ortiz.
“We came to support Jimmy Kimmel in a basketball game against Ted Cruz because we really believe that everything that Ted Cruz is supporting is against everything that we support and think this country should be supporting,” he said. “I would say that most of the people watching Jimmy Kimmel show are people that would not support the things that Cruz believes.”
Margaret Junious drove from Beaumont to show her love for Kimmel.
“I like his political views,” she said. “I’m just a fan, an allaround fan.”
The nearly two-hour contest — which featured the voice of Rockets announcer Matt Thomas — would have gone on even longer if the rules hadn’t been changed midgame. Originally, the winner would be the first to reach 15 points (each basket was worth one point) and win by two. As the game looked like it might go on as long as a rave in an abandoned warehouse, it was announced that the winner would be the first to reach 11 with a twopoint lead, much to the joy of anyone wanting to get home before sunrise. (As it was, lots of people were streaming out of there early.)
If the Blobfish was an epic fail as an athletic competition — though it did improve near the end when both Cruz and Kimmel got last-minute jolts of energy — it wasn’t much better as political theater. While Kimmel stopped play a couple of times to try to engage Cruz in discussions about detentions and family separations along the southern border as well as health coverage of those with pre-existing conditions, Cruz’s responses were drowned out by crowd noise with many shouting “play ball!” That prompted Kimmel to yell, “That’s as close as we’re going to get to a town hall,” a probable reference to the charge that Cruz doesn’t hold enough of them.
Even though Kimmel lost, he may still keep clowning Cruz on social media.
“Well, I don’t think that has anything with who wins or loses the game,” Kimmel said. “I take the shots as they come.”
Apologies to sport
Cruz was not available for pregame interviews (though he did tweet out a photo of himself with star Duke player Grayson Allen on Saturday afternoon), but it’s safe to say, for one night at least, he got the last laugh.
Probably everyone, including the players, agrees that the big loser of the night was basketball itself. Summed up Kimmel near the end of the match, “We apologize to the game of basketball.”