‘At Peace’ author to speak on mortality, preparing for death
There are certain topics that can stop a conversation in its tracks —like aging, terminal illness and death. Dr. Samuel Harrington’s book, “At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life,” provides guidance on how to keep the dialogue going — and prepare for the inevitable.
The author will discuss ideas and answer questions Thursday at the Jung Center. The talk is co-presented by the Jung Center and the Community for Conscious Aging, a volunteer-led, peer group for older Houstonians.
“We wanted to create something for seniors, a community and a place to go where there are others of our own age,” said Maryann Tebbe, one of the peer group’s founders. Finding purpose in later years and an antidote to loneliness were also part of the group’s mission. In addition to regular get-togethers, there are planned coffee and conversation sessions, book study groups and guest speakers.
“We knew that we wanted to do something about death,” said Tebbe. “We need to start thinking about this now. We need to be learning about this now, but we just never had a vehicle to do it.”
Then she read “At Peace” and learned that Harrington was willing to travel to speak about the book.
“He’s so passionate about what he does, about his message,” Tebbe said. “We can be educated about death. It is your decision. Whatever you decide is OK. It’s helping people make the best decisions for themselves.”
Harrington started writing “At Peace” after he retired from medicine in 2013. When his father died in 2015, he had further insights to add to the book. Harrington read other books on the subject of mortality but felt a need to provide more of a guide for readers.
“When I was in practice, I felt it was my responsibility to outline options for patients,” he said. Instead of simply giving his prescription for treatment, Harrington tried to include “or you can do this.”
He wanted individuals to know their options when it came to dying as well. His book offers suggestions, alternatives to aggressive medical treatments, in-depth looks at various illnesses and a range of deathbed scenarios.
“It is not a question of whether we are going to die or not,” Harrington explained. “We have to die.”
But being educated and informed can add purpose to life, he said.
In the book, Harrington writes: “To accept that death is inevitable is the first step toward peace. To be ready to die at the appropriate time is the foundation for a better death. Neither readiness nor acceptance indicates that one wants to die …”
Still, readiness and acceptance can lead to better communication consultant for patients in emergency rooms and intensive care units, he observed as elderly patients received complicated medical care that often proved futile.
“At Peace” outlines specific steps for how individuals can assume control of the dying process. There’s a discussion in the differences between prognosis and diagnosis and how commercialization of health care can be inconsistent with compassion. The book also includes an example of a living will, advance directive definitions, an in-depth look at dementia and a dive into what hospice care can offer. A list of chapter-by-chapter resources is provided at the end of the book.
The story of Harrington’s own parents’ deaths illuminate a number of lessons in “At Peace.”
For example, Harrington’s father told his children his vision for how he wanted to die.
“It informed our decisions later on,” Harrington said. “You can take that vision and expand it.”
Defining a “good death” can be difficult, Harrington explained.
“But we sure can define a bad death,” he said. “That’s when we’re getting worthless, ineffective treatments and suffering. When treatments are not effective, we should be told and given the option to say, ‘No thank you.’ ”
Harrington also suggests opening conversation with family members about end-oflife wishes.
“And talk to your doctor,” he said. “Don’t let them not talk to you about it. If your doctor won’t talk about it, find another doctor.”
“At Peace” benefits adult readers of all ages, who are either ready to start thinking about death proactively or might want to prepare for conversations with their family on the topic.
Harrington is often asked how to start the conversation about death.
“There isn’t a good way,” he said. “No one wants to talk about it. But if you don’t blunder in, it will never get addressed.”
This book offers permission to start talking, to look differently at death, to develop a healthy skepticism in medicine and to ask questions.
As a doctor, Harrington often asked himself, “How would I treat my mother? What advice would I give her?”
He follows the same guidelines in the book. “The goal isn’t to be a perfect doctor,” he said. “The goal is to keep patients from suffering more, unnecessarily.”
““It is not a question of whether we are going to die or not. We have to die.”
Dr. Samuel Harrington