Remembering to listen

Chaplain Brent Peery, 55, holds tight to the basics he’s learned over 18 years of ministering through hurricanes and floods and comforting families of the sick and dying. He knows that listening is the most powerful tool he has, that being present provides solace to those who are suffering and that self-care is the best prevention for burn-out.

Everything else, it seems, has been turned upside down by COVID-19. No longer can chaplains bring families to sit by the bedsides of loved ones. Instead, an iPad or cell phone must serve for pep talks and final words.

No longer does business casual meet the department dress code. Instead, chaplains must suit up in scrubs and layer themselves in masks, gowns and gloves.

Hugs for the family after long days at work are also out. Instead, Peery and his colleagues must first strip from their work clothes, throw them in the washer, and rush into the shower — all while praying that they didn’t carry the virus with them.

It’s the gnawing worry of every health care worker, said Peery who, as the vice president of spiritual care and development at Memorial Hermann Health System, ministers to a staff of about 100 chaplains, including 43 fulltime, 11 residents and 40 on-call, as well as to patients and other hospital workers.

“We are, in this order, concerned first that we might take this disease home to someone that we love and secondarily concerned that we might get it ourselves,” he says.

That fear recently consumed a hospital chaplain whose young daughter developed a stubborn fever and was treated at Memorial Hermann, Peery recalled. Both were tested for COVID-19. For a week, as they awaited the test results, the chaplain nursed the little girl and agonized over potential exposure.

“That chaplain was living out, for a few days at least, the nightmare a lot of health care professionals are experiencing,” Peery says, adding that both eventually tested negative.

He tried to console the chaplain, leaning on what he calls the “foundational skill”: He listened. He empathized. He remembered what it was like to have a young child who is ill.

Peery counsels people remember health care workers when they get anxious for stay-home orders and shutdowns to end: Think about the pain this virus inflicts on patients and their families and on health professionals who care for them — and then take pride in the sacrifices all those who are staying home are making to keep others from getting sick.