There’s help for spouses in coping with job search
Q: My husband lost his job earlier this year, found another one and was just getting settled when the company was sold. This has been a roller-coaster year for us. He seems to be doing OK with his job search. I understand the job market is tough, but he has worked for 20 years. Any tips for spouses would be helpful.
A: Most of the attention during a job search is focused on the job seeker, overlooking the challenges a spouse might be going through. Your description of a rollercoaster year is often used when discussing the emotional process of job searching. Through the highs and lows of applying for jobs, meeting new people, going on interviews, and getting rejections, the spouse has the front row seat in watching what happens next.
Many times, the job seeker is so preoccupied in finding a good opportunity they assume their spouses understand what it takes to land a job.
While your husband seems to be doing ok, you on the other hand might be struggling with understanding the process of job loss and the steps needed to launch a successful search campaign.
The keys to coping with any type of loss, whether it be a lengthy job search or series of unexpected job changes all relate to communication. It can be easy for spouses to fall into the trap of constantly monitoring and inquiring about results. Instead, agree on a time where both of you can focus and discuss job-search concerns. Even the best relationships can be strained when there is a lack of communication, especially during a change involving employment.
Guessing and allowing fear to build can be a sign that your communication with one another needs more attention. A void of communication can leave the spouse to fill in the blanks, and stress naturally magnifies things.
For example, rejections are part of the process of finding a job and they play a part in providing useful feedback by pointing out rusty job-search methods. Rejection happens to everyone; however when communication with your spouse is missing, rejections can paint a bleak future instead of a learning opportunity.
It can be easy for spouses to fall into the trap of constantly monitoring and inquiring about results. Instead, agree on a time where both of you can focus and discuss job-search concerns. Even the best relationships can be strained when there is a lack of communication, especially during a change involving employment.
Keep things in perspective during a career transition, as you need one another’s support. Ask him how you can be most helpful and vice versa.
Here are some additional tips for coping: Talk to each other about job-search methods, since it can be difficult to be supportive if you don’t really understand the process. Look at the positive aspects of a career transition. It helps you learn to accept one another’s differences such as an opportunity to take a new direction.