Mask litterbugs! And other pandemic peeves.
Remember our pre-pandemic problems? Those were the days.
Back in the Before Times, KUHF’s “Houston Matters” used to invite me to its monthly “Houston Pet Peeves” segment. It was good grumbly fun, grousing with callers and social-media friends about the stuff that got under our sensitive skins. (For instance:
That “HE_GHTS” sign outside that new H-E-B. Enough with the selfie bait. Someone, please buy that sign an “I.”)
Then came the novel coronavirus. We stopped the kvetching sessions — first for one month, then another and another, waiting for the new normal, when it’d feel OK to laugh again.
But what if there’s never going to be a new normal? Maybe we’re stuck in a new abnormal.
At any rate, host Craig Cohen asked me back for Monday’s show. Just like in the unmasked era, I posted on Facebook and Twitter.
I was nervous. I wondered: Too soon? Apparently not. My feeds overflowed. Irritations abounded, most of them related to quarlife. I had more material than we could wedge into the segment — and I remembered how good those laughs of recognition feel. Here are some of my favorites, lightly edited and de-emojied.
Barbara Holt Szalkowski: Being home more and having my home office in the corner of my bedroom means that I regularly hear my upstairs neighbors “jumping on the bed.” I feel as though I’m Michael J. Fox in “The Secret of My Success.”
Eva Foster: Being in my house at all times means I am constantly messing it up. Also, how am I generating this much laundry when I’m not even going anywhere?
Christopher Daniel Maxwell: My complaint: People who get pissy about being asked to wear their mask so that it covers their nostrils.
Mary Lowery: People don’t seem to realize that you breathe through your mouth and your nose.
Elizabeth Chapman: This woman at H-E-B was wearing a lace mask over her mouth but under her nose. It looked like she had a pair of panties wrapped around her face. She flipped when the manager brought out a surgical mask and asked her to put it on.
Jennifer Lorenz: My Facebook feed taunts me with photos of my previous vacations to the Pacific Northwest, where for many years I sought refuge from Houston’s stifling August heat.
Devyani Guha: Initially I was living vicariously through other people’s vacation pics. Now I’m just plain resentful.
Lisa Gray: It’s reached the point that when Facebook resurfaces some vacation pic I posted on this day, x years ago, I even resent myself.
Jennifer Decker: My newsfeeds are full of clothes, shoes and makeup that I’m constantly on the verge of buying before I remember I can’t go anywhere and will never see anyone in person again. And it’s all on sale!
Nicholas Hall: Getting so many shipments in boxes, I dulled the pocket knife I use to break down boxes. So I ordered a sharpening stone. Which came in another box. I’m pretty sure the answer is to BURN IT ALL DOWN. (Or at least the boxes.)
Ann Winkelink: Zoom needs a fadeout ending.
Brandon Newton: Disco Kroger’s water dispenser never works. So I’m forced to go to Yoga Pants Kroger in River Oaks to fill my 5-gallon jugs.
Liana M. Silva: I’m tired of staying indoors, but if I sit outside it’s nasty muggy. And then my allergies act up! For months, I’ve been playing the game “Sniffles or COVID?”
Kim Hogstrom: Every time I get the sniffles, I do not know whether I have five days to live or should just take a decongestant.
Reg Burns: The Astros being incapable of bunting over a runner on second with nobody out in extra innings.
Sally Woods: Once baseball season started, the worst thing was finding out that I didn’t care. I’m still disappointed with the news about the Astros’ 2017 season.
Eileen Harvey: During corona, there’s been nonstop street racing in my neighborhood at the juncture of Interstate 10 and Beltway 8 West. Loud racing starts at sundown every night.
Martin Hajovsky: Racing on Loop 610 at night. It would be nice if that were to end.
Natalie Nicole Webster: Street racing all the time, everywhere, forever, and nary a cop in sight.
Gary Packwood: When I was in school, we studied the Great Flu Pandemic of 1917 and how elementary schools managed their school day. But we’re not talking about the lessons learned then. I remember seeing pictures of younger students being taught outside instead of indoors.
Eileen Harvey: Chatty neighbors stand too close. Every time I back up, they follow — until we’re dancing.
Leila Merrill: The neighbors seem to feel that it’s OK not to wear masks when they walk the dog or get mail. Yesterday, trying to avoid everyone, I felt like a human Ms. Pac-Man.
Nancy Cooper: I find myself having to repeat what I’m saying because my mask muffles my voice. Sometimes I’ve had to text myself, then show the message to the person asking me to repeat myself.
Olga Luiza Dentzien-Keller: My complaint: that we have failed to unite even against a common enemy. Now I’m hoping for an alien invasion.
C. Kim Hyatt: I find it incredibly annoying that we human beings can’t seem to agree on anything while a feral kitten and an opossum have turned my front porch into a playpen together. Aren’t they supposed to be enemies or something?
Larissa Lindsay: I love having more wildlife in the backyard: birds, lizards, opossums, frogs. But it torments my dog.
Donna Jacobson Gershenwald: Snails are eating my garden precisely when I’m avoiding grocery stores as much as possible.
David McClain: I’m ready to get on my high horse about the way the brown anoles are treating the green anoles.
Evan Mintz: Everything is too loud outside. Leaf blowers are too loud. Air conditioners are too loud. The planes flying overhead are too loud. I just want to sit in silence and listen to the birds.
Cynthia Williams: No one seems to recognize red lights since the pandemic!
David Chaney: The downtown stoplights are now the complete opposite of timed. You go from one traffic signal to the next waiting the maximum amount of time possible.
Oscar Gonzales: Eight out of 10 of the drivers on the freeway are texting.
Deborah Quinn Hensel: People starved for excitement at home seem to be seeking it on the highways by terrorizing other drivers.
Bryan Taylor: There is no such thing as “the fast lane.” Nowhere in the Texas Driving Handbook is there a mention of a fast lane. It’s called “the passing lane.” Top recommended speed while in the far-left lane is the posted speed limit.
Rebecca Estrada: My peeve: restaurants that are open for to-go but have lousy online menu and ordering platforms.
Lisa Gray: It also bugs me that you can’t tell which ones are truly set up for quick pickup, and which will make you wait 20 minutes standing 4 feet away from unmasked diners. This weekend I worried that I was risking my life for a pork taco.
Rebecca Estrada: In five to 10 days, you’ll know your fate, whether you were done in by your taco order. Isn’t that how we all mark time now? Count out 10 days and wait. Over and over and over.
Stu Derby: Ugh. Ten and 40 are the magic numbers. Ten days after a big stupidity event to see how many new infections come out of it, then 40-ish days for the inevitable deaths that follow any batch of infections. It’s disheartening to be cheering for a gradual drop in infections knowing that the deaths from the preceding spike haven’t passed yet, and there are a couple more weeks of increasing deaths. And that some damn thing — like the new school year — will erase the drop in a few weeks.
Nicole Laforet: I’m tired of cooking three meals a day because I cook too well. It’s all going to my face and stomach.
Bela Adela: I’m still annoyed and resentful of those stupid daily “homeschool schedule” calendars that came out the beginning of this thing, where the kids were all scheduled within an inch of their lives. How’d that end up working out for y’all?!
Melissa Noble: People throwing masks and gloves on the ground!
Barbara Grove: Super-spreader party people.
Alan Morlan: The overuse of “breaking news.”
Leah Lax: I feel like I’m morphing into something else — someone who will never be able to wear a bra or shoes or makeup as a matter of course again. I gripe any time I have to go out on the few errands I actually run myself, just because I feel pressure to dress the part of a social creature. What does that term mean again?
Olga Luiza Dentzian-Keller: Leah Lax, I’m there with you. I have a chiminea in my yard. My bras will for sure go there. I’ll keep some shoes for winter and maybe save a concealer for special occasions.
Randall Baxley: I have clipped my fingernails at least four times since the last time I went anywhere I felt like having them clipped was needed.
Ted Wenglinski: People having family fights over the phone’s loudspeaker while I’m running at the park. Keep those silly disputes to yourselves!
Eileen Harvey: Texans are now pariahs. My kid is off to college in the Northeast, and being from a “high-incidence” state, she has to go into quarantine upon arrival.
Daniel Reyes: It’s August in Houston. This is the end-all and be-all of gripes right now.q
If you missed this month’s “Houston Peeves” on KUHF-FM 88.7 FM, you can stream it on KUHF’s website or find it on the “Houston Matters” podcast. To get in on next month’s griping, follow me on Facebook or Twitter .