Howcan you get a manager to listen?
Q: My manager asks many questions regarding every project he assigns me. The problem is that with every question I answer, he cuts me off and begins another question. He never listens to the full answer. I’m afraid he will miss critical information and I will be blamed for leaving out necessary facts. I don’t want to be equally rude and interrupt him the way he interrupts me, but I don’t know how to get him to listen.
A: Interrupting or loudly talking over a person is generally thought to be rude and ill-mannered. But communication rules and courtesies do not consist of absolutes. You both may have different communication styles and interpretations of what needs to be said. For example, a group of co-workers complained of an employee who was known to over-explain everything. When asked any question, she provided the complete history rather than answering the precise question. Her co-workers dreaded any conversation with her because her answers turned into unwanted lectures. If they tried to say anything, the woman would continue to expound on the topic without a pause or acknowledgment that she was monopolizing the conversation. Eventually, her co-workers changed directions when they saw her walking their way.
The first question to ask is whether you are providing the requested information or including every aspect of the project, thinking you are protecting yourself from your manager misunderstanding. Or perhaps you are not prioritizing the information by stating the critical facts first. The same communication rules apply to both writing and speaking. Provide needed information only once, and do not include the obvious. For example, a common error is to begin a written communication with, “I am writing to ... .” The reader knows you have written, so delete that opening and get to the point.
Although your projects may differ, you are familiar with the types of questions your manager asks. Plan your answers in advance. Make sure all pertinent information is reported in the beginning. Explain all qualifiers immediately. If information is not critical, omit it.
If he continues interrupting you when you know you have verbally edited your responses, his questions may be to see if you are on the right course. When he is satisfied, he moves on to a different question. Plus, your manager may be intellectually sharper than you think. He may seem abrupt, but he may see unnecessary conversation as a waste of time. You and your manager may also have different communication styles, and you cannot change his. Speaking to him about the issue will only alienate him.
Regardless of your styles, you still have choices: Practice editing your verbal responses to him to ensure brevity and concise language; accept his interruptions as part of his personality; or look for another position in or outside of your company. Negative judgments hurt the person who thinks and feels them. If you continue thinking your manager is rude, your irritation will grow, and you will not be happy remaining on the job. Sensitivity is a positive character trait to a point; it can help a person understand where another person is emotionally. Beyond that level, make sure your sensitivity doesn’t affect your satisfaction level and job performance.
Q: I recently retired from a job I had for 25 years. I receive retirement benefits that allow me to continue living as I have lived, but I have never lived a fancy life. I have a very small house, the same mismatched furniture I’ve had for years and inexpensive clothing. I am not materialistic.
Since retiring, I have pursued several hobbies I enjoy very much — making beaded jewelry, painting, reading and gardening. Friends have complimented my jewelry designs, and one friend thinks my pieces are beautiful enough to sell. I told her if I turned my hobby into a business, I would no longer be doing it for fun. She didn’t respond, but she has stopped complimenting my jewelry pieces, and I feel she thinks I have an emotional problem that is causing my decision. Does my reason for not turning it into a business make sense, or do you think I have an underlying reason holding me back?
A: Going into business means different things to different people. What does seem apparent is that you have made a decision without considering the many options you have for selling items. Many people have held garage sales to clear out unwanted household items and clothing, and they do not see it as a business. On the other hand, people have started businesses managing garage sales for others. A business is whatever a person wants it to be.
Some businesses may require more effort than others, but without looking into the possibilities, you have cut off all opportunities, regardless of the amount of work they may take. On this level, your friend may be right about you having underlying issues causing your thought. Ultimately, you are stating that if you are paid for doing something, that will take your joy away from continuing the activity. Ironically, most people dream about being paid to do something they love. Another possibility might be a fear of failure, which may be what your friend is suggesting.
Businesses can take many forms, some more formal than others. You do not have to be the salesperson to get your jewelry sold. Clothing boutiques, beauty salons, spas or gift stores in your area may be willing to sell your jewelry on a trial basis. When a store agrees, present a straightforward agreement to the store owner or manager stating the period of time the store will showcase the jewelry and the prices you want for it. This may involve some negotiation because store owners know their clientele and often know the prices they can charge for items.
There are also websites where individuals can post items for sale or open online stores without creating a dedicated website for selling the items. One well-known site is Etsy, which was created to represent artists of handmade goods. This saves you the hassle of having to create your own site, where you would also have to advertise it to the public, which usually involves advertising fees. Resale shops are another option where the store owner, with an established clientele, may agree to sell your jewelry. All of these types of sales can be made without you setting up a formal business. If items don’t sell, remove the posts from the online and retail stores. You will have lost nothing because you are creating items you like, not products you think the public will buy.
If all of these options seem like too much work, perhaps you need more time away from those 25 years where you lived a routine life at the same company. Don’t feel guilty needing the time to feel free from a schedule. You may have given your friend a gut-response reason for not wanting to sell your jewelry without realizing that all you need right now is unstructured time.