Feeling lukewarm about dinner invitation
Dear Miss Manners:
Is it wrong to accept an invitation to someone’s house for a casual dinner if you don’t plan on reciprocating?
They are nice people and I would feel bad not accepting their invitation. However, I don’t entertain very often, and there are many people I would prioritize over them when I do plan to host a dinner.
Gentle Reader:
Well, be sure to let them know where they stand when you reply.
Acceptance of one invitation does not strictly require reciprocation. But plenty of guests accept invitations repeatedly with no intention of responding in kind, or justify it with flimsy excuses of culinary ineptitude or lack of adequate space.
At least the thought of reciprocity crossed your mind. Miss Manners suggests that if you like the couple well enough to spend an evening with them, you may go ahead and accept. Perhaps you will be surprised by how much you enjoy it and feel compelled to reciprocate.
Dear Miss Manners:
Over the years, several of my friends and relatives have been afflicted with, and died from, various types of cancer.
I’m cynical from my experiences, perhaps, but I see a cancer diagnosis as a death sentence.
How do I convey the hope these people deserve, yet remain true to myself by not offering ridiculous consolations?
The typical “thinking of you/sending positive thoughts/healing light/ you’re in my prayers” drivel is, in my mind, useless. What should I say?
Gentle Reader:
Few who are truly sick expect more than your sympathy. And Miss Manners agrees that “thoughts and prayers” have become cliché.
All that is required is “I am so sorry,” perhaps adding an offer to be of service for meals, errands or rides to the hospital. Unless you are a doctor — their doctor — you are not expected to make false predictions that it will get better. Just please do your level best not to say anything that will make them feel worse.
And that should start by eliminating the automatic assumption that cancer — which is a variety of conditions that affect people in different ways — is fatal.