It’s OK to redirect a gift earmarked for different relative
Dear Miss Manners:
Many years ago, I established a college fund for my nephew. As it turns out, the nephew never attended any post-high school education or training.
I would like to give this money to his mother, my sister. She, frankly, is not doing well; she lives alone and the money would provide some help as she nears retirement.
What should I tell her when
I give her the gift? If I say that the money is from the nephew’s college fund, she may feel guilty that I’m giving the money to her instead of her son. On the other hand, if I don’t explain the source of the funds, she might not understand why I am giving her the gift — or wonder if there might be more in the future.
Gentle Reader:
It is not necessary to mention the nephew. Miss Manners feels certain that it will only cause unneeded discord for a present that is intended to bring your sister comfort.
“I would like to make a contribution to you to help out with things” is enough. If she chooses to accept it, she can always leave it for her son — especially if he someday has an educational change of heart.
Dear Miss Manners:
I dance Argentine tango and other social dances. Usually at the end of a dance, my partner and I say “thank you” to each other; this is standard. But once in a while, I say “thank you,” and my partner responds with “you’re welcome.” What should I say?
Gentle Reader:
Traditionally, the gentleman thanks the lady, and it would be gracious of her to say that she enjoyed the dance. But Miss Manners notes that either comment concludes the exchange, unless you want to ask for the pleasure of the next dance.
Visit Miss Manners at missmanners.com, where you can send her you questions. Andrews McMeel Syndication