This Father’s Day, dads need love and respect, not a tie or socks
Randy Velarde’s kids are all grown now. He’s even a grandfather.
Every so often when he remembers moments as a young parent to his two sons and two daughters, it’s like a nostalgic embrace.
He would travel the country with his young boys to see Major League Baseball games, hitting four cities in one trip. They would play golf during the day and watch the games at night.
They saw nearly all of the 30 MLB teams in action and absorbed every detail of the stadiums. Fenway Park in Boston and Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles were at the top of their list.
With his daughters, quality time meant trips to Utah to hike or fish or Florida for the daddy-daughter beach experience with the occasional mani and pedi.
“It’s a joy to watch four different personalities grow and turn into adults,” said Velarde, 62, founder and president of the Plaza Group, a petrochemical marketing company. His sons now work for the company.
“Seeing them go through challenges and not being able to fix it is always the hardest part,” he said. “You have to stand back and be there when they need you.”
Father’s Day is June 19. But good fathers, like good moms, should be celebrated daily. Not just with the commercial irrelevance of Father’s Day ties, socks and barbecue utensils but also with acknowledgment and action.
Dad’s need love, too.
A hug. A thank you. A gesture to show that they are seen, heard and respected for trying their best, even in the mistakes.
Mark Holley, the executive chef at Davis St. at Hermann Park, said each year his five grown children — four daughters and a stepson — plan a dinner out or they cook for Father’s Day.
Preparing food for a renowned chef seems like a way to get your feelings hurt, but Holley doesn’t judge.
“My best meal is about the company. We tell stories, and I do not critique the food,” he said.
Holley, 63, became a father at 21, and one of his daughters had a rare cancer at age 4. Going through that would make some parents question the divine order of life or feel helplessness, which is hard to shake.
“It all helped me to get my priorities in life in order to be a better dad, and it taught me about what’s important,” he said.
In a world of single moms, dads who are doing the same don’t often get a platform to share their frustrations or parenting wins.
Tillman Givens III, a business owner, created Phenomenal Dads as a network to support dads, both single and coupled, to help them be the best father to their children.
Givens has a 6-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter. His days are packed with work, after-school activities, dinner, bath time, a quick study of sight words, then prayers before bed.
“With so much happening in the world, school shootings and education inequities, there are so many thing you have to cover,” said Givens, 33. “I have to show up every day, even when I’m tired and the kids are puking at 3 a.m. I have to make sure that I’m there.”
It’s hard to know if what you do as a parent is working. Maybe that comes later in life when they are grown and have children of their own. There are glimpses of sunshine, though, as they sprout up, their vocabulary expands and they learn to walk through the world respectfully, with their head held high.
“My son brought me a cup of water,” Givens said. “I had worked out at the gym and came home still sweating. He didn’t ask me if I needed it, he just brought it to me.”
With five grandchildren, Holley now gets to watch his children with their children.
“I don’t micromanage,” he said. “When the kids grow up and you notice they do some of the things you did at their age. You can see the reflection of you in them.”
That might be the best Father’s Day present of all.