How do you deal with a rude coworker?
Q: I started a new job and I have slowly been getting to know people. One coworker stands out in rudeness and difficulty. I am trying not to be rude to them, but they are authoritarian and powerhungry, and frankly, an impossible person to deal with on a daily basis. I am so disgusted I am close to exploding at them.
I don’t know whether I should talk to the boss or talk directly to them. I can think of only rude, negative words to describe them, and I don’t know if the boss sees that side of them. I find them impossible to work with unless I ignore them. I can think of 100 things to criticize them about, but I don’t know how honest I can be. Do I tell the boss what this person is like or say it to them?
A: If this coworker is as horrible as you say they are, stick to the truth if you describe them to your boss. Of course, the truth is not always the same to people. You are not there to be a psychiatrist or psychologist and to guess what personality disorder they have or why they are the way they are.
You want your description to be as realistic as possible. Make a list of everything they say to you that you think is unacceptable. If they orders you around, be exact in your wording. Whenever possible, quote your conversations verbatim.
When describing a conversation, don’t leave it to your interpretation. For example, if they curse at you, quote them. If they tells you to do something a certain way, quote their words. Don’t make general comments like, “They are rude and angry.” Be exact. You don’t want to use your words to describe them. You want to repeat their real language, so the boss understands what you are tolerating.
The boss likely knows what this person is like and has probably heard it from the other employees, and may even like the realism. To be polite often means to be considerate of others’ feelings and to candy-coat the truth. Some bosses don’t like that. It depends on how rough-and-tumble your workplace culture is. Some workplaces are filled with foul language, to the point where no one pays attention to it. If this coworker is unique in their rude language, that is more the reason for quoting them.
Before you complain about your coworker, you must decide if your coworker is out of line for this workplace. Are they foul-mouthed to you or to everyone? Are they not foul-mouthed, but a know-it-all in how they treat you? This is why you need to be exact in every one of your descriptions.
If this type of workplace is not acceptable to you, your only alternative is to leave. But you may find that type of behavior more common these days and more appropriate for the company’s behavior.