Grandparenting young adults
There are many important ideas for grandparents who are rearing, or play a role in the lives of, teens and “baby adults.” These years require some specific information that grandparents need to keep in mind.
Middle and high school provide teens with situations they’ve never experienced before. Some of these scenarios provide true learning experiences for these fledgling decision-makers.
I think about the teens (remembering my own and witnessing my teen grand darlings) as being much like bird hatchlings.
Deep inside the nest, they are safe, regularly fed, sheltered from predators and kept warm and dry by older birds. But then it comes time for flying lessons and, after they are skilled fliers, they are pushed from the nest.
In the outside world, the bird babies find themselves with more responsibilities — finding shelter, enough food, protecting themselves from weather and enemies — and if their parents have done a stellar job during survival training, these just-out-of-thenesters will have a difficult time surviving.
One example is John, in middle school after being home-schooled for two years, jumped into middle school with both feet.
He enjoyed the friends he made, the challenge of his classes and became involved with several organizations.
He had played tennis during his home schooling, but soon learned that middle school tennis took a back seat (make that a seat out of the entire room) to football, for which had the regular workouts and well-prepared, well-organized coaches that the tennis team did not. Shortly after school started, John resumed workouts with outside coaching.
Mary, John’s twin, enjoyed the various classes, teachers and middle school activities. However, she was unaware of just how aggressive and hurtful the “mean girls” could be, not to her but to other people.
She became weary of teachers in some of her favorite classes spending 50 percent of their class time dealing with disrupters. By the end of the first year of middle school, Mary opted for online ninth-grade classes through the local university.
Consider this: all kids thrive in different situations.
In John’s case, I would have scheduled a meeting to discuss the inequity between football and all the other sports.
However, as his grandmother, I stepped back so the parents could solve the problem, only offered my opinion if I was asked and supported my grandson in all of his tourneys.
The next year, as a freshman, he tried out for — and made — the JV tennis team at the high school.
Because Mary could concentrate on her studies, she was able to take dance five days a week and attend Saturday rehearsals for “Nutcracker” and spring productions.
Her social experiences were found at the dance studio and her religious affiliation.
As the twins’ freshman year in high school progressed, I watched — and admired — the parents’ solidarity in these very important decisions, and complimented them both on their courage in guiding my grandchildren along the right paths, not only for their flexibility educationally but also because they were listening and in-tune with their teens’ individual needs, socially and spiritually.