Having a good conversation is an art
Q: I am thinking about changing jobs and have been talking with people I know in business. I have noticed that holding a conversation seems to be challengin. Most of the time, I leave without new information. I would like advice on making a conversation flow better where it is an exchange of information instead of being one-sided.
A: Connecting with people is a great way to gather information about changing jobs. The knowledge you gain from others with different perspectives helps you make better decisions when changing jobs.
Networking with others helps you become an observer of communication skills and clues to what makes a conversation good. It is common to hear from job candidates who leave networking meetings without information. Most people know the moment when a conversation takes a turn for the worst, leaving them drained and wondering why you met with them in the first place.
The truth is that people do not set out to become unskilled in holding a conversation. It just happens over time with habits that become second nature. You might be surprised at people’s lack of awareness regarding their communication skills.
When you think of a good conversationalist, think of someone who served as a mentor to you. What was it about their style of communication that influenced you? You likely felt they cared about you by sharing in a give-and-take manner. Good leaders are great influencers.
Here are some ways to strengthen your conversation skills with just a few changes:
• Observe non-verbal language and pay attention to cues such as looking at the other person when talking, smiling, nodding your head, and showing interest.
• Be adaptable to different personalities. For example, an introvert might need help in sharing information. If you are more extroverted and like to talk, slow down and allow for an exchange of information.
• Showing empathy is an excellent way to get a conversation moving forward.
• Be genuine with what you convey to the other person. A good conversation is not a debate to win a point but rather to share interests and listen. Aim for a 50-50 balance combination of talking and listening in your conversations.
• Be focused when talking and listening. Rarely can a person convey their interest in the conversation when looking around the room to check out who is present.
• Questions fuel good conversations. Open-ended ones that help the other person talk and typically start; with who, what, how, or where.
• Use the “WAIT” technique to help you internally monitor your actions when communicating with another person — Why Am I Talking? If you cannot come up with a good reason for talking, it could signify that you are dominating the conversation.