Long-distance grandparenting a crucial thing to keep up while they’re away from home
After six years living in a multigenerational household, our numbers were suddenly smaller. My grandson, Jackson, age 16, is the last of my four grand darlings still at home. However, being a junior in high school, he’s rarely home due to tennis, debate team and the usual high school social activities.
Jack happens to be the only one of the four siblings at home because his older sister, who married last September, is teaching at the American school in Alexandria, Egypt, her husband’s home town.
This school was established for children whose parents plan for them to attend college in the U.S. A sister English school is for children who will eventually study in the U.K.
His older brother is a junior math major at Texas A&M and, after graduation, will be a commissioned officer in the Air Force.
(I specified his major because I am in awe of anyone who majors in math. As an undergraduate, I chose a major requiring only one college algebra course to graduate.)
Jack’s twin sister was accepted by a dance company in North Carolina last year and is in class half of the day and finishing high school the other half. She also performs in productions presented in the company’s regular season.
I’m sharing this information to say it’s not easy maintain connections with grandchildren at a distance … and I’m still learning, myself.
However, today’s technology allows us to regularly “stay in touch” with our grandchildren in other places — whether they’re 70 miles or, like my oldest granddaughter and her husband, 7,000 miles away.
First of all, thanks to email and texting, I regularly share something about activities here at home and in the neighborhood. If there’s nothing much to report, I send a silly joke, with an “I love you” at the end.
For our ballerina, I often send a list of questions that can be answered in a few words. Yet, I’m often surprised when she goes into great detail in her responses — and I love these, by the way. I send short-answer questions because I know her schedule is packed and time is precious.
I also send email messages to our college student, just to let him know I’m thinking about him.
The reply rule
My one rule — just because you get an email from Grandma doesn’t mean you have to answer. All of you have much to accomplish every day, so just know I’m thinking of you.
However, it’s been surprising how often I get a reply, even with my “rule.”
We all have face time — usually once a week, so that gives us a chance to get up-to-the-minute reports, and of course, these are special times for all of us.
When I was a college student, longdistance calls were a luxury on my budget, so I only called home every few weeks. Letters, postcards and special occasion cards filled in the communications gap, and once or twice a semester, my folks sent a “care package” with soap, toothpaste, several bags of my favorite candy and a tin of my mom’s chocolate chip cookies.
My grandparents had 12 grandchildren, all born about a year apart, so cards, phone calls and care packages were out of the question. Although I would have loved to hear from my grandmother when I moved away to college, I realize it would have been a full-time job for her with all of us.
Today, by the way, you have the choice of putting together a box of their favorite things or, if your time is limited, several online stores offer pre-packed care packages, especially for the military or college students.
One thing I’ve learned is that cards and letters by “snail-mail” from the USPS are a big hit. Maybe — like the popularity of vinyl records — getting mail in their mail boxes is a rare and unexpectedly fun experience. Who knew a letter could mean so much?
The other strategy I use in keeping up the connection is budgeting trips, either to go see them or for my grandchildren to come home — like during the holidays and summer vacations — and I’ll gladly give up a material purchase for a chance to see these most important people in my life.
Like most grandparents, I have photos of my grand darlings everywhere in the house as well as the latest and greatest on my phone. I begin every day with prayer and pray for each of them, and on those days when I find myself thinking of them, I’ll call, just to say “hello” and “I love you.”
Being able to love your grandchildren over the miles isn’t impossible. In fact, with a little planning and effort on your part, it’s probably the best connection you’ll ever make.