GOOD COUNSEL
Grand Adventure: Helping your grandchildren learn, master their fears
Let’s face it. There’s a scary world out there. When you were a child, what did you fear? Think back. Maybe it was the attic in Grandma’s house or the steep steps of public buildings. Perhaps it was the neighbor’s large dogs or even crossing a busy street.
When I visited my grandparents’ home, I slept in a big poster bed in the front bedroom. There was a door in the corner, opposite the big bed, leading out to the porch that encircled the house.
Now, it wasn’t the door that frightened me per se, but the sound of ambulances roaring down Oak Lawn Avenue, their sirens screaming. Their destination: the old Parkland Hospital, then located at the corner of Oak Lawn and Maple avenues.
When my boys were little, they feared monsters under their beds at night. What gave them the idea these creatures even resided in our home, I’ll never know. However, I would go into their rooms, spray room freshener (AKA “Monster, Get Outta Here”) all around and under their beds and, magically, the monster threat was extinguished — plus their rooms smelled really good.
Babies have only two fears — loud noises and falling.
Surprisingly, some of our childhood fears follow us in some form into adulthood:
1. Fear of the dark — in fact 11 percent of all adults cannot sleep in a totally dark environment.
2. A fear of clowns, developed in childhood, often creeps into adulthood. In a recent survey, nearly 2,000 American adults fear unsavory characters more than they fear global warming. Is that why “The Joker” is so scary?
3. Fear of heights — called acrophobia — like climbing a steep staircase, walking a high wall or riding in a glass elevator — can be found, not only in children but in one out of every 15 adults.
4. A fear of being alone — called autophobia. This is why being placed in “time out” is often so painful. As a child, nothing induces more fear than the mere thought of being left alone without a responsible adult in sight. But for some adults, this worry persists beyond the younger years and morphs into the fear of feeling isolated and being ignored. Just look at the numbers: One survey found one-third of adults fear being on their own.
5. A fear of needles, otherwise known as trypanophobia. This fear affects more than just your mind. For people with this fear of seeing a needle incites a response in which their heart rate and blood pressure quicken and subsequently drop. In other words: They pass out.
I remember going along when my cousin needed a physical to play basketball. He was 6’3”, weighed around 190 lbs. A year older but much larger than me. Since he needed a tetanus booster, he had to lie down on the physician’s exam table so he wouldn’t pass out.
He lost consciousness anyway, and they brought him out of it with smelling salts. He was 18.
6. A fear of bugs. The American Psychiatric Association reports up to 40 percent of all phobias are related to bugs, mice, snakes, or bats. Arachnophobia — fear of spiders — plagues people more than the fear of losing their jobs, according to research from Chapman University. Basically, we’re hardwired to really, really hate creepy-crawly creatures.
7. A fear of snakes. A poll conducted by YouGov, 64 percent of Americans are afraid of snakes, and older Americans proved to be more fearful than their younger counterparts. Unsurprisingly, a German study found this fear comes naturally at a young age; when infants were shown pictures of scaly slithering snakes, their pupils dilated to indicate elevated levels of stress and anxiety.
8. Developing a fear of failure — called atychiphobia — is an irrational and persistent fear of failing. Sometimes this fear might emerge in response to a specific situation. In other cases, it might be related to another mental health condition such as anxiety or depression. This fear at an early age can have detrimental effects on learning habits well into adult lives.
One study, published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology, found students who developed a fear of failure early were more likely to cheat to succeed and only wanted to do well to validate their self-worth.
Mostly, the scary things for kids are things they don’t understand. As grandparents, grandchildren may be more comfortable asking us for explanations.
Let’s be there for their questions, whether it’s face to face, on Skype, on FaceTime or on the phone. Out grandchildren trust us to provide answers … a trust we all can treasure.