Woman clashes with her mother-in-law

Dear Miss Manners: My mother-in-law is very concerned that my love of bright colors and patterns conveys “lower class” standards to her uppity family.

Her snobbery and striving led to our falling out when I disagreed with her dictating what her extended family would wear on a vacation that she did not pay for. She tried to insist that the entire family would wear neutrals and classic lines, which she already has plenty of.

My grandma taught me to dress as I want, so I wore comfortable original and designer clothing by my favorite makers. My MIL tried to exclude me from any family photos because I didn’t meet her dress code.

I contend that I cannot smile in beige or ecru, and I cannot stand people who are rich enough to be snobby but not rich enough to be kind. She thinks I should accept her “training,” or down-dressing, and step in line.

Gentle Reader: There are no class rules, Miss Manners assures you, about clothing colors — as long as you are not dressing in bright colors at a funeral. Although if your MIL’s browbeating continues, you might one day be tempted.

Dear Miss Manners: I have a small fiber arts business, and am a generally crafty person. I embroider, sew, crochet and knit, and also do a variety of other crafts. I like to wear, display and talk about what I make, as I’m proud of it. However, this is often met with a response along the lines of, “I could never do that.”

I know it’s rude to reply with “Not with that attitude” or “You could if you practiced,” but

I’m wondering what a polite response would be.

While it is often meant as a compliment, I feel that the “I could never” response implies that my abilities are innate rather than a skill set developed over years of work, so it makes me defensive and more likely to respond rudely or snarkily.

Is there a way to graciously accept this as a compliment while also reminding people that I am good at what I do because I’ve worked hard at it?

Gentle Reader: “Well, at one point, I couldn’t either.”

Dear Miss Manners: I’m getting ready to propose to my girlfriend. We have a trip to Italy planned, to attend the wedding of two of her friends. I think it would be a nice time to propose, but I don’t want to steal the thunder from the wedding.

We will be there for several days, so obviously I would not propose the day of the wedding or around any wedding events.

Gentle Reader: The trick is to ask her when it will, as you say, not upstage any wedding events, but also afford your new fiancee the requisite chance to squeal the news loudly to her friends.

Miss Manners wishes you luck in finding that time.