Human traffickers often aren’t ‘stranger danger’
Parents fear “stranger danger,” but the real danger lies with those close to home. Media portrayals of human trafficking and exploitation feature scarylooking strangers who abduct children and force them into a dark underworld. Parents then feel reassured that their children, sleeping safely in the next room, are not being abused. It is much scarier to think that a coach, teacher, aunt or uncle could pose a threat to them. But to best protect our children, we must look at what we know about who traffickers are and how they groom their victims.
Recently, authorities arrested a man who they believed sexually assaulted toddlers at the Galleria Mall, made videos of them, and allowed other adults to assault them. The man was not a stranger lurking in the mall’s shadows. Instead, like the toddlers’ mothers, he worked at the mall, and volunteered to care for a child when the mother was in desperate need. He was waiting for the opportunity to strike — but “striking” looked like befriending and reassuring a mother struggling to juggle work and child care.
Movies and news media portray traffickers as large, scary men who kidnap children. But the data shows that traffickers come in all shapes and sizes, and are usually people known to the family. An analysis of 2021 National Human Trafficking Hotline numbers shows that trafficking victims are generally recruited by someone they know — such as a family member or caregiver (33%), an intimate partner (28%) or an employer (22%).
Vigilant parents often look for signs that someone might be attempting to contact and groom their child, especially over the internet. And yes, parents should teach their children about internet safety and signs that a relationship is unhealthy or crossing boundaries.
However, the savviest of traffickers also groom parents by building a relationship and gaining trust. Parents must be on the lookout for those in their circle who use manipulative tactics, are insistent about spending time with their children, or use their relative position of authority.
We must balance children’s social needs with safety precautions, and we can do this by teaching children about boundaries and bodily autonomy. It is essential that we teach our children about healthy boundaries, especially around their bodies, healthy relationships and the kind of harmful communication used to manipulate them.
Furthermore, parents must listen to their children when they raise concerns about other adults. This can come in many forms, depending on the child’s developmental stage. If your child feels uncomfortable around another adult, you should heed that concern. Sometimes they cannot put into words the subtle signals that they are picking up.
In short, parents should look out for these three things:
1. Adults who ingratiate themselves into your lives and take a special interest in your children. Look especially for people who are pushy or insistent about spending time with your children.
2. Sudden behavioral changes in your child, including anxiety, trouble sleeping and lashing out in the form of behavioral issues.
3. Concerns that your child has around adults in their lives. Children might lack the vocabulary or maturity to explain their concerns, so it may be as simple as an aversion to being around that person.
As parents, we must teach our children the language and know-how to recognize and enforce boundaries. Parents need to instill safety principles, but most importantly, they need to listen closely to their children when they bring up concerns or seem hesitant or stressed around adults in their lives.