Houston Chronicle Sunday

‘I didn’t want to make a scene,’ says scene-maker

- Visit Miss Manners at missmanner­s.com, where you can send her your questions. Andrews McMeel Syndicatio­n

Dear Miss Manners: At a restaurant, I was attempting to enjoy a meal with friends while taking in the beautiful ocean view. When I glanced to my right, I saw that the guy at the table next to us was wearing low-hanging shorts that revealed his butt. He was a young guy and appeared to be with family.

Restaurant­s don’t seem to have dress codes or refuse service to customers not dressed in a decent manner.

We had already ordered and were waiting for our meal when I first noticed the guy. So I said, in a voice that the customers next to me could hear, that I could see his butt — how disgusting when you’re in public. The family ignored me, so I repeated my statement again, a little louder.

My friends said I should just not look. But I’m single and always monitor my surroundin­gs to stay safe. Finally, the mom (I assume) came over and said very quietly that I should have just come over to their table quietly to express myself. Then she went back to their table and told him, not in a quiet tone, to pull his shorts up, and he did comply.

I don’t want to see anyone’s butt at the meal table. I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything, but it would have been unsafe for me not to be aware of my surroundin­gs.

How would you recommend handling this situation if it happens again? It was a mood-killer for me.

Gentle Reader: Yes, it is unsavory to mix unsolicite­d nude sightings with lunch.

But Miss Manners notices that you twice mentioned safety and monitoring your surroundin­gs. Having properly identified it, what exactly did you think the butt was going to do to you?

In any case, the mother was correct: Discreetly coming over to her table would have been far more polite than making a scene. Or you could have told a restaurant employee. Because having publicly announced your displeasur­e in a loud voice — twice! — no one believes that you really thought it “not your place to say anything.” You just chose not to do it directly, which no doubt resulted in a mood-killer for the rest of the restaurant.

Dear Miss Manners: I’m a 32-year-old electrical engineer. My high school physics teacher passed away recently and, as you may imagine, he played a massive role in my pursuing a career in engineerin­g.

I never met his wife or kids, and I live overseas, which meant I couldn’t attend the funeral and meet them there. I would like to send them a handwritte­n letter, but I’m not sure what to say. I believe it’s partly thanks to him that I’m very successful in my field and I have an overall happy life, but I don’t want to gloat.

Should I just tell them he inspired me and that he will be missed, or should I add more?

Gentle Reader: Attributin­g your success to this teacher’s guidance is not boastful; it is appreciati­ve and charming. As long as you do not turn the letter into a personal resume and keep it focused on your mentor’s role in your career, Miss Manners thinks it relevant and proper.

 ?? JUDITH MARTIN MISS MANNERS ??
JUDITH MARTIN MISS MANNERS

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