What becomes a sports legend most?
It’s easy to tell who’s the biggest star signing autographs at a sportsmemorabilia show.
Just look for the longest line.
It comes with the territory: That autograph also will be the most expensive.
Except at Tristar Production’s 29th Houston Summer Show, Friday through Sunday, at NRG Center.
The most popular celebrity may be Texans head coach Bill O’Brien, appearing at his first autograph show in Houston. The price tag for his signature? Free. “Coach O’Brien has a lot of fans in Houston. In one year, he turned a 2-14 team into a winner,” said Bobby Mintz, Tristar’s executive in charge of signing celebrities to sign autographs. “He’s a no-nonsense coach, and Houston fans like that. And if you’ve ever seen him interviewed, he’s a very entertaining guy.”
Why is Tristar giving away O’Brien’s autograph, when the Texans coach probably could command top dollar at the show?
“At each show, we try to pick one or two celebrities who fans want to meet, and we make their autograph free. It’s a way for us to show appreciation to our customers. Some people may be on a limited budget, and we want them to enjoy our shows, too,” Mintz said.
Don’t worry, there will be dozens of sports celebrities charging for their autograph. Astros legend Craig Biggio and fellow 2015 Hall of Fame inductee John Smoltz will be there. Also Whitey Herzog, Dave Winfield and Bruce Sutter. Current Astros Dallas Keuchel and Jake Marisnick are scheduled.
Football stars include Terrell Owens, Earl Campbell, John David Crow and Mel Renfro.
An array of former Houston Rockets will be on hand, including Rudy Tomjanovich, Robert Horry, Mario Elie, Vernon Maxwell and Elvin Hayes. While you’re getting Horry’s autograph, ask him what happened when he came over to my house and we played HORSE in my backyard.
For a complete list, ticket information and autograph prices, click on tristarproductions.com/ houston.
Very punny
I rushed home from my Kenneally’s Irish Pub pizza in time to watch most of “The Bachelorette” Monday night. I am now addicted to that show. It makes me feel better about myself.
Maybe I was goofy on mozzarella, but it sure sounded like one of the dopey bachelors laid this riddle on Kaitlyn, the hottie who’s up for grabs:
What is the dentist’s favorite time?
Answer: 2:30. Get it, tooth-hurty?
Yeah, just wait right here for your rose, Jethro. You’re using material from the “Archie & Jughead’s Joke Book” to pull women?
If you ever talk to a woman again, and that’s 50-50 at best, here’s a better riddle.
Have you ever noticed that when birds fly south for the winter, they always fly in a V formation? And one side of that V is always longer than the other? Why is one side longer?
Answer: There are more birds on that side.
That riddle kills on match.com. Kaitlyn would have dragged Jethro into the Fantasy Suite before the first commercial if he had used that — instead of the lame dentist joke.
You scream, I scream
Just when things couldn’t get any bluer for Blue Bell ice cream …
PBS’ weekend cooking show “America’s Test Kitchen” and its companion magazine, Cook’s Illustrated, recently taste-tested, compared and rated the eight top-selling brands of vanilla ice cream carried in supermarkets.
“America’s Test Kitchen” and Cook’s Illustrated are serious about food. We’re not talking about silly Food Network game shows hosted by hack comics with an apron.
The eight ice creams were judged on texture, overall appeal and, most of all, vanilla flavor.
Ready for the results? I feel like Maury Povich opening a paternity-test envelope.
When it comes to ranking vanilla ice creams, Blue Bell … you are not the father, I mean, the best!
That honor went to Ben & Jerry’s. Judges said the vanilla flavor was “indulgent” and the texture “extra creamy,” with “built-in intensity” and “deep, creamy, hazelnut aftertaste.” Are we still talking about ice cream? Cue the saxophone music and close the blinds. Please, give us some privacy.
Ben & Jerry’s was followed by: 2. HäagenDazs; 3. Blue Bunny; 4. Breyers; 5. Friendly’s.
Way down in sixth place: Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla, which is the favorite of Houstonians, and nothing else is even close. Judges begged to differ. They said Blue Bell’s vanilla flavor was “over the top” but tasted “artificial.” Conclusion: “This is not adult ice cream.”
In Texas, talk like that will get you run out of town.
Seventh place went to Turkey Hill, eighth to Dreyer’s.
Ben & Jerry’s was the most expensive brand — $4.39 a pint. Blue Bunny the cheapest — 89 cents a pint.
Pethouse Pet of the Week
Name: Harley, as in “Davidson.”
Birthdate: Dec. 23, 2009.
Ethnicity: I’m a Treeing Walker Coonhound, and I’m a big’ un. I’m 88 pounds of cool, calm and relaxed boy dog. Don’t worry about that “Treeing” stuff. I’m not chasing anything up, down or around a tree. If you’ve got squirrels in your backyard, I’ll look at them through a window. I’m trained, gentle, “fixed” and ready to roll home.
Harley harks: You’ve seen those “Hannah and Her Horse” spots for DirecTV a million times. The horse speaks with a deep, rich man’s voice. That’s weird because
if you look closely, it’s clearly a mare — a girl horse. (A Tip of the Hatlo Hat to reader Marc Croes of Kingwood for pointing that out, even though it’s not polite to point.)
Also, a big high-four to the Texas A&M’s Veterinary Emergency Team for sailing into Wimberley and rescuing stranded animals caught in the Hill Country flood. Nice catches, people.