Everything’s rosy in May
Osweiler’s presence lets optimism flow, even on a meaningless day
Football fields protected by a “PRIVATE PROPERTY” sign were hounded by 14 waiting media members and eight anxious TV cameras.
When the zoo was finally allowed in Monday, the camera total grew to 16 and I soon lost count of the foaming-mouth reporters. Who can blame me? The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” was blasting near Kirby Drive — “I’m gonna fight ‘em off. … Right before the Lord.” Your again-beloved Texans were semi-officially back. And the once-in-ageneration sight we’ve waited two whole months to see stood right before our eager eyes. Brock Osweiler. Wearing shorts, a jersey without pads, tights and a chin-strapped helmet. Oh, man, it was sweet. The four-year, $72 million savior also threw some pretty sharp passes to a bunch of Texans also wearing shorts. And let me tell you, football faithful: The (otherwise absolutely trivial and meaningless) first day of OTAs was athletic beauty in motion if your last memory of a quarterback in this city is five turnovers and 30-0 Chiefs at DOA NRG Stadium.
“It was fantastic. This is what football is all about,” said Osweiler, obviously as pumped as his new home city to kick this big 2016 thing off.
Tragically, we have to wait 110 more days until everything becomes real. But with the Rockets still hanging out in the unemployment line searching for James Harden’s coach and the Astros rivaling the Rockets as the most disap-
pointing team in town, the Christmas-like debut of the Texans’ organized team activities was easily the finest outdoor event around.
“Texans fans are very excited about the 2016 football season … just like the coaches and players are as well,” said Osweiler, who’s every inch of 6-8 and looks like he’s from Idaho, Montana, Arizona and Colorado all at once. “We’re all excited to get this thing started and just being around town and mingling with some fans and people like that, it’s been fantastic. You can really feel the vibe out there.”
Now, I know what you really want to know. How was he? How did Houston’s next potential mayor do during his first day on the job?
Is Osweiler really worth $72 million of Bob McNair’s couch pennies?
Bill O’Brien will ban me from NRG forever if I give away too many OTA secrets, and the Texans sort of have a CIA thing going on sometimes. But I can create this mental image for the QB-starved blue-and-red zealots, and you can dream away the rest of your day replaying it in your football-obsessed mind:
Arm strength evident
Osweiler smoothly and confidently dropping back. Second-year receiver Jaelen Strong running a route I’m not allowed to describe. The ball fired perfectly out of the reach of a grasping-atair defender. Strong sucking in Osweiler’s offering just as he runs out of free space. Bing, bam, zoom. Holy moly, Bossweiler.
Take that Brian Hoyer and Ryan Mallett. And never haunt this city again.
“(Osweiler) got off to a good start,” said O’Brien, clearly downplaying No. 17’s cannon and acumen because he wants to gobble up as many Super Bowl LI tickets for family and friends as he can.
In all seriousness, General O’Brien was a bit of a bummer on Osweiler Day.
He screamed some things on the field, which was perfectly fine and normal. But when the drills were over and it was a celebratory time for happiness, joy and late-May contentment — OTAs are here!; the Texans have a QB and Houston digs its football team again! — you would have thought “Hard Knocks” was still peeping around corners by the way O’Brien coldly frowned through his post-workout grill session.
“No updates on anything.”
“I’m not going to get into a deal where I’m talking about every player on the roster.” “I don’t really know.” I was going to ask grumpy O’B about the Rockets’ mysterious coaching search and Astros’ constant hitting problems. But I didn’t want to upset the man behind the podium after all the stress of OTAs.
“I’m not an expert in anything,” said O’Brien, finally warming up with a joke when he remembered Week 1 was still three-plus months away.
QB likes O’B’s style
Out of all the soon-tobe-forgotten observations and silly minutiae Monday — J.J. Watt unveiled a personal logo but didn’t “practice,” while Jadeveon “100 percent” Clowney looked a little bigger — one rather important thing really did happen as the cameras were rolling and the media was Twittering away.
The $72 million man in shorts said this:
“(Monday) was my first experience in a practice environment with Coach O’Brien and I loved it. I loved his energy, I loved his fire. … Sometimes he’s going to get on you, which he should. I had a couple turnovers today. I’m going to chop those up as learning experiences. I’m going to make sure they don’t happen again. But I want him to be on me. I don’t want that to be acceptable.”
It was the best thing a Texans QB said since Matt Schaub was at his peak.
Five turnovers and 30-0 Chiefs suddenly felt like a lifetime ago.