Unaffectionate husband is not likely to change.
Dear Abby:
I knew my husband for two years before we married four years ago. My problem is we are no longer intimate — not even hugs or kisses. For the first two years we did have sex, but the only affection I get now is a kiss on my forehead or hand.
When I asked if we could sleep together during the weekends, he refused. He says the reason is he has to finish his work. I have told him how much this hurts me, and he keeps promising to change. When I recently asked him why, he said he is “shy.” I am starting to doubt his love for me.
His mother is pushing for a grandchild. She blames me for not “forcing” her son to sleep with me. I spend most of my time working out or doing volunteer work, which keeps me from getting too depressed.
I’m beginning to think I should end this marriage. Should I? Alone in Singapore Dear Alone: Whatever is going on with your husband, it doesn’t appear that he has been completely candid with you. He appears to be using his workload as an excuse not to be intimate. I also seriously doubt that his problem is “shyness.”
Your husband may have erectile difficulties or a diminished sex drive, which are medical problems that could be fixed if he was willing to address them. He may be involved with someone else, not be interested in women at all, or he could have simply fallen out of love with you.
Regardless of what your MIL says, a child would only complicate matters further. If your husband would consent to counseling with you, it might help. If not, by all means talk to a lawyer.
Dear Abby:
My fiance has just been told that he has cancer. He wants to move our wedding date up because of it, to make sure my boys and I will be taken care of if things don’t go well. I am torn about whether we should. I want to marry him, but I think we should work on one thing at a time. Thoughts Abby? Maybe Marrying Dear Maybe Marrying:
Your fiance is looking out for you and your boys, and I respect that. The traditional marriage vows include “… for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” He may survive his cancer diagnosis — many patients do.
While some in your situation would want to wait until things were more certain, there are no guarantees in life. Your fiance will need your strength, love and care in the months to come, and if knowing you are taken care of will ease his mind, I think you should do it.