As election approaches, people need to R-E-L-A-X
Last year, after the Green Bay Packers started the season 1-2, quarterback Aaron Rodgers told worried, fingernail-biting fans, “Five letters: R-E-L-A-X. We’re going to be OK.”
That’s some good advice for everybody getting worked up by the cheap shots, absurd accusations, doomsday fears and childish antics of the current presidential race.
There will be a Wednesday, Nov. 9, in America.
Until then, everybody R-EL-A-X.
KTRH (740 AM) conservative talk host Michael Berry has been plagued by people calling his sponsors and asking them to withdraw support of his show. He’s also had to block a number of crank callers — former acquaintances — from his phone.
Are these liberals who disagree with Berry’s conservative politics?
No, they’re fellow conservative listeners who are frustrated because Berry is too conservative, or not conservative enough, or not whooping up Donald Trump enough. Or something.
I went to a dinner the other night with Little League families and, I swear, I thought a table-clearing brawl was going to break out over the election. These are families whose kids have played together for years, who now go to college together, and dinner almost turned into a food fight.
I was kind of hoping for a fight. Nothing is funnier than seeing out-of-shape grown-
ups, who are about have a heart attack, throwing punches.
The other day, a friend of mine was getting all agitated about the election. He owns his own business. He’s a rich guy. He’s all business, 24/7, one of those guys.
I said to him, “We’re almost done with eight years of Barack Obama. He’s the most liberal president ever, right? How has your business been the past eight years?” He said, “really good.” I said to him, “And before that, we had eight years of George W. Bush. He was one of the most conservative presidents ever, right? How did your business do those eight years?” He said, “really good.” Then what are you getting all worked up about?
I’m hooked on CNN, Fox News and MSNBC. I watch and can’t believe how Stepford crazy these “spokespeople” and “supporters” are. What planet do these people live on? It used to be funny. Then it got scary. Now it’s just boring.
The best thing that could happen for Sean Hannity on Fox News is for Clinton to win. The best thing for Rachel Maddow on MSNBC, a Trump victory. Complaining and criticizing always get better ratings than supporting and praising.
Then there’s poor Anderson Cooper on CNN, clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right, stuck in the middle with, I’m guessing, 80 percent of disgusted Americans.
I can’t pick my friends by politics. I look the other way on a lot of things. One of my best friends, Jim, loves to hunt. One time, we were watching a Little League game when a front came through and the temperature dropped 20 degrees. It was suddenly cold. He went to his car, dug through the trunk and came back wearing full camo, head to foot, like “Duck Dynasty.” He looked insane. I was shivering and jealous.
I would never go hunting. Jim once called me from his hunting trip so I could hear him tap his phone against the antlers of a deer he just murdered. I’ve never shot a gun in my life, unless you count trying to shoot out the star on a piece of paper with a BB gun on the carnival midway. I need more BB’s.
What am I supposed to do, not be friends with Jim because he hunts? I live in Texas. I’d have no friends.
My friends Reg and Biddy have it right. They’re on far opposite ends of the political spectrum. They agree on nothing. Every Saturday, they meet so their dogs can play together.
This Trump-Clinton nastiness of “lock her up” and “he’s a psychopath” is tearing this country apart. That’s what you hear in Third World countries where they really do lock up the loser, or North Korea where the leader really is nuts.
It’s not political disagreement anymore, it’s pure hatred. We’ve had political debates that make pro boxing weigh-ins look like poetry readings. Using Gold Star families as props is beyond repulsive.
It’s getting hard to tell the difference between “Meet the Press” and “The Jerry Springer Show.” OK, political shows have fewer teeth and fewer tattoos.
Like when you fight with your spouse, there are certain lines you don’t cross, certain words you don’t say. You don’t want to get so far apart there’s no coming back.
Every four years we hear, “This is the most important election of our times.” And it may well be, with Supreme Court nominations looming, as well as terrorism and immigration issues.
It’s definitely the most destructive election of our times. There may be no coming back. Thank goodness, whichever side wins, we’ll still have Sens. Mitch McConnell and Harry Reid to make sure nothing gets done in Washington. Suddenly, gridlock is the best we can hope for.
So everybody R-E-LA-X. America will still wake up the morning after Election Night. And we can get back to hating the people that really deserve it … like that creeper Chad on “The Bachelorette.”