Election blues? At least we’re not in Philly
I’m glued to CNN and Fox News every night, back and forth. I’ve always been a political junkie, but never more than I have been with this presidential election.
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with (70 percent) of you. Thank you, Gallup Poll ... and Stealers Wheel, No. 6 on the Billboard singles chart in 1973.
I keep hearing over and over, “This election will be won and lost in the Philadelphia suburbs.” That so? Meet Glen Macnow, who hosts a talk show on WIP Radio in Philly, is part-owner of the trendy Conshohocken Brewing Company and lives, apparently quite comfortably, in the Philly suburbs.
I used to work with Macnow at Today newspaper in Cocoa, Fla. During lunch, we were matinee regulars at the Melbourne Jai Alai fronton. We would bet the 2-3-5-8 quinnella box until we left broke.
You want pressure? I was the guy they hired to replace columnist Carl Hiaasen, who left Today for the Miami Herald, and became one of the world’s most popular authors. He was beloved by Today newspaper readers. Anyway, I survived.
Last week, I called Macnow. I asked him, “What’s it like being such a coveted voter?”
He said, “You don’t know how lucky you are to live in Texas, a state that isn’t in play this election season.”
I’m not sure Hillary Clinton would agree with that, but go on.
“Every news pundit and prognosticator keeps harping that this election will be decided by women in the Philadelphia
suburbs. So we are smothered in TV ads, whether I’m watching the morning news or a hockey game. Who knew suburban women in Philadelphia were addicted to hockey?” Macnow said.
“Every break, every commercial is telling me that Donald Trump will blow up the world, or that Hillary is a crook. One ad has Trump calling women “pigs” and “fat slobs.” It was actually effective, I thought, the first 200 times I saw it. Now I go to bed at night and hear his voice echoing in my head.
“Ninety percent of the ads don’t tell me anything about the candidates, other than that they’re horrible people. I want to ignore the ads but I can’t. They’re on every channel non-stop.
“Bottom line, the big winner for me is Netflix — no commercials. All these commercials are making me wish I lived in Texas, a red state, or Massachusetts, a blue state. Or maybe I should just move to Canada.” Wastin’ away in ...
The new nominees for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame class of 2017 are: Pearl Jam, Bad Brains, Depeche Mode, Electric Light Orchestra, Jane’s Addiction, Joan Baez, Journey, Steppenwolf and Tupac Shakur.
Fans can vote by clicking on rockhall.com. But, please, just one vote per person per day. This isn’t Chicago.
I’m not a fan of either, but I’m voting for Pearl Jam (innovative and wildly popular) and Tupac (hip hop hero). That’s what the Hall of Fame is supposed to be about.
I’m also writing in Jimmy Buffett. What does a guy have to do to get nominated around here? Buffett has his own style, written some wonderful songs and still sells out major concert venues after 45 years.
Foodie sneak peek
You know that NOLA Poboy kiosk at Minute Maid Park? Love those shrimp poboys. They’re opening the first NOLA Poboy brick and mortar restaurant on Kirby near NRG Stadium next month. Details to come.
Reliant … seriously?
Last week, I made a joke blaming Reliant Energy’s commercial, with J.J. Watt carrying a couch by himself, for Watt’s season-ending back injury. Reliant Energy sent me a note, and posted a video on Twitter showing how the optical illusion was achieved.
When the commercial was shot, cameras didn’t pick up a man dressed in a green body suit carrying the other end of the couch. I was kidding, Reliant Energy!
Pethouse Pets of the Week
Names: Tiffany and Foxy (as in Trump and Brown)
Ethnicity: “We’re a kooky couple of Terrier and Chihuahua mixedup gals, both spayed and housebroken and good to go home. “
Birthdates: Tiffany is a spry 2 years old, and Foxy is in the prime of her life, 5 years old. They are inseparable friends. In fact, the thought of tearing this family apart is so upsetting, I’m going to make you a deal. One time only — if you can prove to Citizens for Animal Protections that you’ll be loving, responsible parents, I’ll waive the usual adoption fee. You heard me right — totally free! As our friend John Lennon said, all you need is love ... and these two wonderful pups are yours.
Tiffany and Foxy’s feelings: I heard two interesting commercials on local talk stations this week.
KILT (610 AM) is advertising a company called Tanks and Tracks, where you can “drive and fire real tanks.” This is custom-made for military history fans and weekend warriors. For $1,850, you can drive a U.S. M4A2EB Sherman Medium Tank along an enclosed course. For $950 more, you can shoot the tank’s 76mm main gun (one round), M2 .50 caliber machine gun (20 rounds) and M1919 .30 caliber machine gun (20 rounds).
Tanks and Tracks, located in Uvalde, has several other working Russian, German, Czech and British tanks, with different offers and prices. Uvalde is about 275 miles west of Houston. Click on drivetanks.com for information.
Then I heard (97.5 FM) play spots for MyBookie “the world’s leading online sports site that caters to recreational gamblers.” The site, based in Costa Rica, takes money bets on all the major sports. Right now, its favorites to meet in Super Bowl 51 (I refuse to use Roman numerals) are the New England Patriots and Minnesota Vikings. Hmm, what do those teams have in common? Oh, yeah, they’re the “2” in the Houston Texans’ 4-2 record. How about dem Cowboys? They’re the sixth pick, right behind Seattle, Green Bay and Pittsburgh.