Olympians ready to lead holiday parade
Olympic gold medal winners Simone Biles and Simone Manuel will be the grand marshals of the 67th H-E-B Thanksgiving Day Parade, which will begin at 9 a.m. downtown.
The 67th H-E-B Thanksgiving Day Parade will begin at 9 a.m. on the corner of Smith and Lamar in downtown Houston, and I’m not one to squeal … but grand marshals Simone Biles and Simone Manuel have not been practicing waving to the crowd.
“You kind of just keep waving like normal, and people scream at you. It will be a lot of fun,” said Biles, who grew up in Spring and captured five gymnastics medals, including gold in the all-around, vault, team and floor exercise, at the summer Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro.
“I’m super excited. I’m just going to smile and be enthusiastic and be myself and have a great time,” said Manuel, who grew up in Sugar Land and won four swimming medals, including gold in the 100-meter freestyle and 4x100-meter medley.
I asked Scott McClelland, president of H-E-B in Houston, how did you decide on our hometown Olympic heroes to lead the Thanksgiving Day Parade?
“There were two main requirements,” McClelland said. “Their first name had to be ‘Simone,’ and they had to have won multiple Olympic gold medals. That narrowed down my search pretty fast.
“The main job of a parade grand marshal is to wave at the crowd. Much like a Miss America Pageant contestant, I suggest that the Simones hold their arms at a 90-degree angle and rotate their wrists like they’re throwing a curveball.”
The Queen of England wave? Too subtle.
To be clear, the grand marshal of a parade does not carry a
whole lot of authority. He or she can’t arrest people. This isn’t “Gunsmoke.”
I asked Biles, What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to you since becoming an instant Olympic legend?
Besides going on a 36-city tour with her U.S. Gymnastics teammates, “I got to meet Beyoncé at the Video Music Awards in New York,” she said. Her bucket list of brushes with celebrities isn’t complete. Still to go, among others: Liam Hemsworth and Demi Lovato.
Biles, 19, just got back from a book-signing event in New York. Her autobiography is called “Courage to Soar.”
When you were a kid, did you practice signing your autograph like everybody else? Now that you’re actually doing it, do you give fans a legible autograph, or do you scribble like a lot of pro athletes do?
“Yes, I did practice my autograph when I was young. Now when I sign autographs, you can read every letter in my name,” Biles laughed. Handwriting does count.
Manuel, 20, didn’t hit the celebrity trail when the Olympics were over. She headed straight back to Stanford University, where the junior communications major swims for her college team and lives in a dormitory “where nobody is asking for my autograph or anything like that. Life is pretty chill.”
She did meet somebody — actually, two people — who made her heart rate “go through the roof,” though.
“I got to meet President Obama and the first lady in the White House. That was amazing,” she said.
Manuel is my kind of supremely gifted, worldclass, finely tuned athlete. Nov. 8, her only tweet that day:
“I need a donut. No, seriously, I’m just craving a donut.”
Here is the H-E-B Thanksgiving Day Parade route: Smith at Lamar, north to Walker, east to Milam, south to Pease, west to Louisiana, north to Clay, west to Smith and north to the finish line at Smith and Dallas.
Who designed this route? Douglas “Wrongway” Corrigan, the aviation pioneer who was planning to fly from New York to Long Beach, Calif. in 1938 — and landed in Ireland?
McClelland will be waving to the crowd from the H-E-B float, a giant shopping cart with a 400-horsepower engine.
“We had the cart custom made by partners at H-E-B. Inside it looks like a mini-MMA cage, and you feel like a human sack of potatoes,” he said.
Everybody loves a parade, unless you’re a funny guy, maybe. Comedian Richard Lewis once told me, “David Letterman and I have a deal. If either one of us catches the other on a parade float, our friendship is over.”
In 1995, Lewis was grand marshal of the Ohio State University (his alma mater) homecoming parade. His friendship with Letterman survived.
Late comic Mitch Hedberg had advice for people who unexpectedly get caught up in a parade. “Just walk in the opposite direction. The parade will be over twice as fast.”
I don’t remember the exact year, 1990 maybe, I was asked to be grand marshal of a small-town parade in East Texas. I rode in the back of a classic convertible with my name on the side. I asked the driver to go really slow so I could explain to parade watchers who I was. I kept wondering, how long is the list of people who turned this down before they got to me?
It wasn’t exactly a marching parade, but last month I was grand marshal of the Kiwanis Sealy Fall Classic charity bike ride. That’s the annual BP MS 150 training ride with a rest stop every 10 miles with volunteers serving free pie from the Texas Star Café. I went with apple crumb over chocolate meringue, coconut cream and lemon meringue. I’m not much for cream pies. Meringue is a complete waste of time.
I rode a bike 24 miles on a hot day and still gained a pound. You can’t win.
For being grand marshal, I was made a Kiwanis Club member (honorary). I wasn’t given the secret handshake.
Here’s my favorite Thanksgiving Day memory in Houston.
One year, I was asked to emcee the lighting of Houston’s official Christmas tree downtown by City Hall. I know what you’re thinking: I was an odd choice to host a Christmas ceremony.
Reason: I live in West University Place, not technically in Houston. What reason were you thinking?
Anyway, one of my jobs was to introduce the mayor of Houston. The only thing the mayor had to do was wish a “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everybody in Houston” and pull a switch lighting the tree. One line! I’m not naming names, but Fearless Leader had to read from a cue card.