Family’s tolerance of verbal abuse is red flag for girlfriend.
Dear Abby:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. In the beginning, he kept his family and me apart, but turns out he was doing me a favor given their cruel treatment of one another.
At my boyfriend’s birthday lunch, his father called his mother the worst possible word anyone could call a female. My boyfriend and his sisters didn’t seem phased. I worry his parents’ toxic relationship is something he eventually will settle for in life. Is it possible for children not to emulate their parents’ example, or should I move on? Not in the Family Dear Not in the Family:
Children do not automatically follow the abysmal patterns set by their parents. However, if you are contemplating a future with him, I strongly recommend that before formalizing your relationship, you seek premarital counseling together to avoid any
unpleasant surprises.
Dear Abby:
I have a question about nailbiting/finger chewing. We recently hired a new employee who is a finger chewer, and his nails are bitten well below the finger tip. I am struggling with this because I had a childhood friend who chewed her fingers to the point of bleeding, and I have a strong negative reaction when I see people do it.
When, if ever, is it appropriate to speak to someone about this bad habit? Worried in the East Dear Worried:
I have heard of very few nail-biters who are proud of the habit. There’s a saying — not original — that if you want someone to avoid you, just tell him something “for his own good.”
If you want a pleasant working relationship with this person, mind your own business and do not attempt to “help” him by offering unasked-for advice.
Dear Abby:
I’m usually wellspoken and articulate with family and close friends. But when talking to strangers or potential employers, I tend to choke up and make no sense at all. I become anxious and forget what I want to say.
Do you have any ideas why this happens? Talker in the West Dear Talker:
It may happen because you suffer from a form of social anxiety — one shared by many people. Fortunately, there’s help for it if you consult a mental health professional. Because it is interfering with employment opportunities, you shouldn’t wait.